When Christ is Lord of the Home

We're going to be talking about the Lordship of Christ as it relates to the home. Appreciate them in from the promise keepers event talking about how God challenged them and regard to their personal lives and also home lives. We're going to be talking about what it means for Christ to be Lord, to surrender everything to Him in regard to our homes. Colossians chapter three this evening. We've been looking at the book of Colossians as we have opportunity on Sunday evening. And we've seen that the theme of the book is the Lordship of Christ, the Lordship of Christ, chapter one in creation and in the church, the Lordship of Christ, chapter two in the realm of doctrine. And Paul deals with the cult that was influencing the teaching in the church in Colossian chapter two. But in chapters three and four Paul deals with the Lordship of Christ in the Christian life and it becomes very practical. As many of Paul's epistles do, first half being more doctrinal, second half being more practical. Chapters three and four are more practical and nothing can be any more practical than our relationships in our homes and the Lordship of Christ and relationship to our homes. You see the family is the core of society. If the home is not right, society is not right. If the home is not right, the school is not right. If the home is not right, the church is not right. The family is the core of society. What happens there finds its way into every other dynamic of our lives and every other relationship in our lives and so the family is most important. It is in the family that the most tender feelings of our lives are developed. It is in the family that the deepest impressions are made on our souls. It is in the family that our character is molded. It is in the family that the principles of life are deeply embedded in our hearts and however we are going to live, apart from the miraculous grace of God, of course. But typically however we are going to live, how we are shaped is done in the home. So the home is extremely important. In the verses we are going to look at tonight, verses 18 through 21, we have a summary of the relationships and responsibilities of all the parties in the home. This is really a summary of every relationship in the home. And it is very simple. It is very basic. There are two important relationships described. Husband, wife, relationship, parent, child relationship. Very simple. Four verses, all of them very short, basic summary of the most important things to remember about the home and relationships in the home. And if Christ is going to be Lord of our homes, then this is what it is going to look like. Now the reason I didn't provide an outline for you this evening is not because I just decided to quit work early this week. But I decided there is not much to put on an outline here. This is very basic. There are two points. Husband, wife, relationship, parent, child relationship. Under the husband, wife, relationship, first, sub-point, wife. Second, sub-point, husband. Pretty basic. Under the parent, child relationship, first, sub-point, child. Second, sub-point, parent. There is your outline. So I would have had all blanks tonight. If I had given you an outline, I would have been doing it for nothing. You would have been doing all the work. So I decided just not to give you an outline tonight. You can follow this one very easily. Let's look at the two basic relationships in the home as Paul deals with them in verses 18 and 19, first of all, the husband, wife, relationship. First of all, he deals with the wives in verse 18. Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the ward. I just dealt with this a couple of weeks ago on Mother's Day. So I don't know that we need to deal with this in any great depth again tonight. Or maybe I should ask the husbands, do we still need to talk about this? No, I'll let you off the hook tonight. You don't need to answer that. But the basic responsibility of a wife in the home is laid out here in this summary statement, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the ward. I don't want to go over again what submission is or isn't. We've done that just a couple of weeks ago. Let me just say this evening that basically submission is a voluntary arrangement to allow the home to function smoothly. It is a voluntary arrangement of someone being in charge or head and someone being a supportive role, a voluntary arrangement for the purpose of allowing the home to function smoothly. Now I say that because everything that God or man has initiated every type of relationship or every type of social function has to have some kind of order in it. Otherwise there is chaos and confusion. Sometimes that way in a church there has to be a pastor, there has to be a board of deacons or some kind of leadership structure in the church. That way in a school, in a school there has to be a principal. There were no principal, there would be chaos. Some of you in education beg to differ. Some of you probably feel if there were no principal things it would probably be just fine. But every organization has to have a head. A bank has to have a president. A president has to have a president. Practically every organization is built that way. Even your body has a head. The head is in leadership over the whole body. The head directs all of the functions of the body. You can do without some other parts of your body but you cannot do without your head. Cut your head off. You cease to function. Your head actually controls all the other functions of your body. Other parts that you cannot do without either. Take your lungs out. You are in bad shape. Take your heart out. You have been in bad shape. Your head is in charge of what happens in your body. It is the same thing even in the Trinity. The Bible says that the Father or God is the head of Christ in 1 Corinthians chapter 11. Meaning that even for the Trinity to function there has to be some kind of order of headship and submission. So submission in the home does not mean that a wife is inferior or anything like that. It simply means there is a voluntary ordering or arranging of functions with the husband taking the lead role and the wife taking a supportive helping role. Now that headship and submission, contrary to what many people believe, did not start with the fall of man. It is not a part of the curse. It is not first found in Genesis chapter 3. It is first found in Genesis chapter 2 where God first created man, then created wife, a wife to be a helper to him. And that headship and submission responsibility and function was built into the creation model. That is why Paul, both in 1 Corinthians 11 and in 1 Timothy 2, refers back to the creation story to support his contention that a husband is to be the leader in the home and a wife is to be in a supportive role. It does mean that a wife is not to be domineering, not to be a nagging type of control in the home. She is to be a supportive helping role in the home. He is to be supportive about a man who was coming home from his wife's funeral and as he was unlocking the front door to get in his house, a tile fell off of the roof, I guess he lived in Florida, Arizona, but a tile fell off the roof and hit him in the head. As he was picking himself up off the ground, he said, boy, she sure did get to heaven fast, didn't she? That is not the kind of relationship you want to have in a home that is certainly not the role of the wife to throw tiles, pots, pans, whatever dishes at her husband. Wives submit to your husbands, the Bible says, as is fitting in the Lord. Notice that little expression he tags onto the end of that in verse 18, as is fitting in the Lord. What that means is that this is part of your spiritual relationship to Christ. This is the outworking of your submission to Christ. It is fitting, this is what God has made you for in the Lord, in Christ, in your relationship to him. As you submit to Christ's Lordship, you are to submit to your husband's leadership in the home. In fact, I believe the two submissions go together. We looked at Ephesians chapter 5 a couple of weeks ago. Let me just remind you of how Paul says it there. Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Your submission to your husband is a part of your submission to Christ. Rebellion against Christ will lead to rebellion against your husband. Rebellion against your husband will lead to rebellion against Christ. The two are interrelated. The way your relationship to Christ works itself out is in your relationship with your husband. So wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Now the flip side of that is verse 19. The other side of the coin, which completes verse 18 is in verse 19 where Paul addresses the husbands and he says, husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Love your wives. Now I think what we're going to see, what I hope to show is that if both of these work together then submission is a joy. If a husband is loving his wife as the Bible teaches here, submission is not a drudgery, it's a joy. Now there are three basic, basically three words for love in the New Testament. Three Greek concepts or Greek words are actually four but three primary Greek words for love that could have been used in the first century. The first one is the word eros which is physical love, sexual love. We get our English word erotic from that word eros. Now that is an important feature of married love but it is not the most important feature. In fact it is probably the least important feature of married love. That's the kind of love or kind of relationship that Hollywood relationships are built on. In fact that's about all their built on. So when someone more appealing comes along, ditch the first turkey, go someone else. That's the mindset in this kind of relationship. Although this is an important feature of married love, it is not the most important kind. Eros. The second Greek word which is primary in the Greek description of love was Philetto. Now Philetto is a kind of friendship kind of love. A love that is a nurturing kind of love. It is used in the Bible of human relationships and even a family relationships. But it is not the word that you used here. Philetto means affection. It's talking about an attraction to it. It's the kind of love we would think of when people fall in love. It's a tenderness toward one another. It's a courtesy and respect for one another. Almost a deep bond of friendship kind of love. Where the two of you share life together and you enjoy being together and enjoying experiencing life together and form close bonds, that's Philetto. And that's important in marriage as well but it's not the most important kind of love. The word that Paul uses here is the strongest word in the Greek language for love and that is Agapah. That's the verb form or agape, the noun form. It's the word which really has to do with sacrificial love. It's the kind of love that is rooted not in feeling, not in friendship, but in commitment. It's the kind of love that says, I purpose with all of my being to put my mate first. To do everything with, in this case, her welfare, her well-being in mind. So husbands when it says love your wives, it's talking about giving up yourselves sacrificially for their benefit. Putting them first, putting their needs first. And so every decision that you consider in your home, every direction you consider, everything you as the leader of your home, try to do in your home is for the purpose of the benefit and well-being of your wife. Now do you see what I mean? That if there's that kind of love on the part of the husband, then submission is a joy for the wife. I mean what wife wouldn't want to be submissive to that kind of plan? Everything he does says, thanks is for my benefit. I'll submit to that, sure. But that's the way it's designed to work. You see, it's the beauty of the body of Christ in relationship to Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ loves us with an eternal sacrificial love, and it is no hardship at all to come under that in submission to that. That's the way a husband's love is to be for his wife. Husband and wife were sitting at a concert, Philharmonic concert one time, and during the concert, husband leaned over to his wife and he said, honey, can you see? And she leaned back over and said, yes, I can see, I'm fine. So a moment later, he leaned over and he said, honey, do you feel a draft? And she leaned back over and said, no, no, there's no draft. Here I'm fine. For your moment's later, he leaned over and said, honey, are you comfortable? You're seat comfortable? And she said, yes, it's fine. The seat is just fine. Now enjoy the concert. He sat there for a couple more minutes. Then he leaned back over and said, could we change seats? Now what he was thinking about was his comfort. He was feeling a draft. He couldn't see. He didn't care about her. He wanted to better seat. And a lot of marriage is operate that way. You know where you try to find out what's best for me. And however, I can get an edge and get my needs met and get my stuff taken care of in this relationship. That's what I want. Amen. Yes, that's right. But that's not the way it's supposed to be. In a marriage relationship, the Bible teaches that a husband is to love his wife, which in reality is a form of submission. You know, Paul begins the whole section on the family in Ephesians 5-21 by saying, submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God. Peter says in 1 Peter 3.7, in a whole context of submission, he says, in the same manner, husbands ought to learn their wives and understand their wives. So husbands, we ought to love our wives as Christ loved the church, the sum of our duty, the summary statement of our duties toward our wives is to love them with agape kind of love that puts their needs, their interests, their desires, their well-being ahead of our own. That's the kind of love the Bible says. That's the sum of our duty, summary statement of everything that we should do. Now, when you have that kind of relationship, husbands loving their wives like that, wives willingly putting themselves under that kind of loving leadership and helping their husbands in the fulfillment of the home, then that's a wonderful marriage relationship. And that's the way Paul says it ought to be done. That's how the Lord is the head of our homes. And the Lord is the Lord of our homes, then wives are submissive to their husbands in that way and husbands love their wives in that way. But obviously that's not the only relationship in the home. There's the husband, wife relationship, but there's also the parent child relationship. And Paul gives a summary statement about those or that relationship in verses 20 and 21. Notice, first of all, he talks about the children, verse 20. And obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Let's take that apart a little bit. What does that mean? Children, obey your parents. The word obey is an interesting word. The Greek word akuos, the word to hear or to sit under as an authority. And in the New Testament, the concept of hearing is always linked with obedience. This means to hear the wishes of a parent and then to do what is the wish of the parent. The idea is really to listen to the parent as an authority figure. Now I know we don't have really any children in here tonight. There are other ministries, but for the parents' sake, let me say this. As you train your children, the most important thing you can train them into early years of their lives to do is to listen to you as an authority and respect what you have to say. Immediate obedience is one of the most important things you can teach any child. As I said before, if things are not right in the home, they're not right at church, they're not right in the school, they're not right in any other relationship, and bless their hearts, our dear teachers in our schools are reaping the consequences of no teaching in the home about submission to authority. When the teacher gets a hold of them in first grade or kindergarten or whenever, the kid has had no... the child has had no training, they're not cheap, I guess, or little goats. But the child has had no training quite often in how to respond to authority. And if there is one thing, and I think there are only two or three things that require the strongest kind of discipline which we used was a spanking, I think there are only two or three things that should be reserved for. This honesty, disrespect for authority, a couple of three things like that. But disrespect for authority is one of the basics. If a child does not learn that early on, they're going to have trouble the rest of their lives relating to anyone over them. And it may take a drill sergeant somewhere to finally break them of that. Sometimes that's the only place it happens. But the most important thing you can teach your children is to listen to you as an authority. Now you say, well that's cruel. No, it isn't. That's the best thing you can do for your child. Because if they learn that at age two, and three, and four, then they are going to go into other relationships in life, respecting authority figures over them, and understanding that when a teacher speaks, when a principal speaks, when a police officer appears, that is a... When a Sunday school teacher speaks, that's a person in authority over me. I'm to respond to that. I'm to be obedient to that. So counsel, give direction, give correction when that's needed on this line because this is basic. Obey your parents. Listen to them as an authority. Believe it or not, our parents do have more experience than we do. I know by the time we reach 13 or 14 years old, we feel like our parents are absolute idiots. They know nothing. And we know everything about life. But what I find as I grow older is I've gotten older and older. My dad gets wiser and wiser. And my mom gets wiser and wiser. I may not have always thought that when I was 15 or 16 years old. But when I got married and started having children of our own, you know the routine, don't you? You begin to realize, wow, they really did know what they were talking about. And so respect, listen to your parents as an authority is the basic responsibility of children. And then notice a couple of qualifiers that Paul puts on that. He says obey your parents in everything, in everything. Now the point there is that it would be very rare to ever have to choose between the authority of your parents and the higher authority being the authority of God. In fact, I believe in a Christian home that should never happen. If parents are doing their job right and doing their job biblically, that should never happen. A parent should never expect anything of a child that is outside the will of God. But in any situation, I think it would be extremely rare for a parent to require or demand something of a child that is not biblical, not according to what God would have done. And so that's why Paul says obey your parents in everything. Just let that be the general rule. Now there may be some rare instances where a parent may require a child to do something that is just totally against the word of God. But overall, in most cases, and this is the general rule, obey your parents in everything. And then he says for this pleases the Lord. You know why that pleases the Lord? Because it shows a respect for authority that will then carry over to respect for godly authority or the authority of God himself. You've probably heard it often said that the first authority figure or the first view any child has of God is of his or her parents, particularly the father in the home. So the first understanding of relationship to the highest authority, God, comes from relationship to the authority over us in the home, parents, particularly fathers. So if there is not a strong relationship with the father, a good relationship there where there is loving, disciplined, and respect for authority created in the home, there's going to be some difficulties with relationship with God as well. So see a child pleases the Lord by obedience to their parents because they are learning what it means to respect God's authority and pleasing parents does please the Lord. Well then Paul goes on to talk about the parents in verse 21. Notice what he says about the relationship of parents and the responsibility of parents. He says fathers do not embed your children or they will become discouraged. It's interesting that he addresses the fathers, isn't it? Now this is a technique that is sometimes used in literature including the Bible where the one who has the lead role is spoken to as representing both the father and mother. The father is addressed not because the father is supposed to do all of the training of the children or all of the disciplining of the children. That's a false concept. And the idea that wait till your daddy gets home, he'll take care of you is not all the time a good concept. Now some of the times that's the thing that needs to be done. But just for moms to say, well, you know, daddy is supposed to be the one who gives all the discipline. That is not a good way to go. The reason why the Bible addresses fathers is because the father is to be the leader in the home. And so he is to take this responsibility seriously but both husband and wife, mother and father are included here. Notice what he says, our responsibility is, do not imbiter your children. Now we might expect what Paul said back in Ephesians 6. You know, this seems to be the most important thing. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. We might expect that Paul here would say something about discipline or training. Well, you see Paul wrote the book of Ephesians, the books of Ephesians and Colossians at basically the same time. They were sent out together, probably carried by the same man to the two cities. And so there was some overlap in his thinking, no doubt as he was writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, these two books. I think it's quite clear that when Paul says here, do not imbiter your children, it's to be understood in the context of discipline and training. So he's talking about the spirit in which we discipline and train our children. There is to be the proper kind of counsel, the proper kind of rebuke, the proper kind of training, the proper kind of discipline and chastisement when that's necessary. But the Bible is saying the spirit in which we do that and the result that it brings is very, very important. We don't want to discipline and train our children in such a way that we bring anger out of them and cause them to become bitter. Now Paul doesn't say a whole lot more than that and kind of leaves us to wonder what kind of discipline and training imbiter's children. Well, there are other biblical principles that apply here. And I think that just with an understanding of the fullness of what Scripture teaches about human relationships and particularly parent-child relationships, you can come to some understanding of what it means to discipline and train in such a way that you will not create bitterness. It is possible to do this. I think the key word is balance as it is in most things in the Scriptures and our approach to especially human relationships. If discipline in particular is too severe, in other words, if you are too harsh with your children. You expect perfection. You expect them to act like an adult. Come on, you're two years old. Let's straighten up here. You know, wait a second. They are two years old and certainly they need to be brought along and encouraged to be responsible but remember that they should be responsible in the context of being a two-year old. A little bit of understanding of human development here will help us sometimes as parents and believe me, we've all made mistakes along these lines but sometimes if we're too harsh or too severe in expecting our children to be little adults when they are not mentally or physically capable of that yet, we may be being too harsh in our discipline and that will create bitterness because what happens is they become discouraged. You see there in verse 21, do not forbid your children or they will become discouraged. A child who becomes bitter because they cannot live up to the expectation of a parent. They cannot be perfect and none of them can be. If every little deviation from perfection, they are nailed to the floor for. Then eventually a child will lose heart. They will become discouraged. They'll give up. And then sometimes that comes out as bitterness against parent or against God or against any kind of upbringing they may have had. Now please don't misunderstand me here. I know that most children in the expectation or in the time of life where they are beginning to flex their muscles, learn their independence which is a normal part of life will push against the boundary lines sometimes. In some ways push against the boundaries that the parents have set. But long term bitterness against a parent sometimes begins when parents have gone about discipline in the wrong way and have created bitterness in our children. When discipline is too severe, when it is too harsh, when it is too demanding, expects too much, then you can create bitterness which then leads to discouragement and giving up. But notice there is another side to this as well. When it is too permissive it ends up doing the same thing. When it is too permissive it ends up doing the same thing. There are lots of verses in the book of Proverbs about a child who is left to himself, brings shame to his mother and to his father. If the discipline is too permissive, if there are no guidelines, if there is no correction, a child becomes insecure, becomes bitter because they don't know the boundaries and then once again loses heart. This is how it becomes discouraged. All the efforts of a parent must be thrown into keeping that delicate balance between firm, discipline and training but fair. Understanding the age of a child what they cannot do and some things that they do are just childish irresponsibility. There is a difference between a kid leaving his bike out in the rain and a kid not going out to put his bike up when his parent tells him to. There is a difference in those two things. One is childish irresponsibility, one is defiance. Defiance must be punished. Childish irresponsibility needs to be trained and taught and helped. That fine balance is something that is very, very difficult as a parent but the Bible says, strive for that balance so that you do not embed your children, cause them to become discouraged and give up. The proper way in discipline and training is the way of balance. Wise, firm, yes, but loving and fair and understanding. When a child merits it, they should be commended. When a child needs it, they should be corrected. But that balance between commendation, good job there son, that was great. I didn't even have to tell you to clean your room this morning. You may be thinking it's first time that's ever happened in history but you don't need to say that. There's a time to commend them and then there's a time to correct them. That balance is so important and it's frankly difficult to find at times as well. But training, disciplining in such a way that does not create bitterness, the feeling that it's impossible to live up to those expectations and just becoming discouraged and quitting. And which does that, which finds that balance will mold into their lives the kind of respect for you as a parent that you've always wanted them to have, the kind of loving obedience that you wanted them to have. So very summary, very basic. Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands love your wives. Children obey your parents. So don't make them bitter or discouraged. Very basic, very summary. But those four principles really comprise the basis of what it means for Christ to be the Lord of our homes. And so I like the way God does things. For some of us as parents we have 600 rules and they're taped all up down the front and both sides of the refrigerator. Wow, it's like the Pharisees. We can't even keep them much less the kids. God has a wonderful way of summarizing relationships in basic principles that are easy to grasp. And yes, we have to continue to learn how to live them out. But basic principles that control our actions. Just four basic principles cover every relationship in the home. If you're wondering what all do I need to focus on in our home, then just try these four basic principles. And you'll get a lot done with these. There are other principles in the Bible, but these are summary. These are basic. Try these and our homes will be much more reflective of the Lordship of Christ. Let's pray together. Father help us to be good husbands, good wives, good parents, good children. We pray that the way we live in our lives in the very practical day to day atmosphere of our homes will reflect the fact that you are Lord there. And Lord, we know that you are Lord there when we are obedient to your word. So help us to take these principles and live them out in our lives as best we can by your spirit's power with your help and grace.