LIving Happily Ever After

The little things are really what I think got to us initially when we first were living together. I'll be getting ready in the morning and I'll hear this. Allison is an emergency. It's an emergency and then I have to let him in the bathroom and then he goes to the bathroom and it's like this and then I have to go in there and finish getting ready and a porful and I'm thick of my stomach and I'm gagging and I cannot stand it. The other part that was really hard was that I like things really neat and orderly going out of the military and she would pretty much just throw her stuff wherever she felt like and just leave it a mess. Well he said that I was spoiled growing up but I like to say that I would nurture it. He'll say it's okay to put dishes in a dishwasher. It's okay when you're finished with a towel to hang it back up on the rack and I think it's okay to leave it on the floor and it's not something to totally stress out about. As far as she's concerned that was my military life and now she's trying to do programming. She has very different interests. She likes to go to the museums and we'll get part and do parts-y type things. She likes to go to the shooting movies and she's gunna shoot. She'll take me to these different things, you know, trying to broaden my insights and give me culture but I don't care. I've said that I'm going to take a shooting class for him. I won't attend some of the different plays and stuff that she wants to really see. He is believed to take swing dance lessons at some point. I feel that I've changed more to fit into her life and she's changed to try to fit into life I would like. Well, does that look familiar to anybody? Every young couple has these wonderful dreams about how married life is going to be. They have grown up hearing all of the story book endings to the stories they've been read. By the time they get married they've seen all the movies that have the happily ever after endings to them and then they get married and they're happily ever after runs head on to reality. Reality like getting ready in the morning or finding out that you have very different interests in life or getting used to the idiosyncrasies of each other's personalities. That happily ever after may come to a screeching halt because of the dead honest reality of life. What it's like to really be married. Well, in the book of Ephesians we've been looking in recent weeks in the second half of the book, at the fact that Paul is talking about how to live out in very practical ways our great salvation. And if indeed Paul is talking about the practical expression of our Christian faith and how to live out our faith in the real nitty gritty of everyday life then it should come as no surprise that he eventually gets around to talking about the home. Because you see it's in the home where you really are who you are. You are really yourself at home. You can fool your co-workers. You can fool your neighbors. You can fool your church. You cannot fool your husband. Your wife, your parents or your children. Your does not going to fool them. So if it really makes a difference in our lives to no Christ, one of the places it will show up is in our homes. And that's exactly what Paul is talking about in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 33. Our text for today. If you have your Bible open there, we're going to see that Paul addresses living in harmony in the home. He's talked about a lot of different things about our practical Christian life, living in unity and living in wisdom and living in power and lots of things we've talked about. But today we're going to see what it means to live in harmony in the home. And if you have your Bible open there, you'll look at verse 33, please. Verse 33 of chapter 5 really summarizes for us everything that Paul says in this passage about the husband and wife relationship. In verse 33 sums it up this way. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. Paul summarizes everything he's going to say about living in harmony in the home in the marriage relationship in particular with two principles. The principles of love and respect. He says it in verse 33. Love and respect is a summary of everything God expects of us as husbands and wives. Wives are to respect their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives. Now, let's go back and see how he describes that, how he fleshes all that out, beginning in verse 22. In verses 22 to 24, Paul describes what it's like for a wife to respect her husband, respecting your husband is described in these verses. He uses the word submit, that word that we find so difficult to talk about today because of our culture of equality and blending of roles, but that's the word Paul uses. What does it mean to respect your husband? Well let's look at verse 22 where he describes this command of submission. He gives us the command for submission. Verse 22. Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Now as we saw it last week in verse 21, the word submit literally means to arrange under. And the idea in marriage is that you willingly put the other person first. In a marriage relationship when Paul says wives submit yourselves to your husbands, what he's saying is you willingly recognize the God-given role of leadership that God has given to your husband in that marriage, in your home, and you willingly place yourself under, what the word literally means, to place yourself under his leadership in that home. So you willingly place yourself under his leadership and support that leadership in the home. Now obviously that concept is not looked on very favorably in our culture. We live in a culture today that does not like the word submission. It likes words like liberation and equality a lot better. And submission by the way does not mean any quality at all. But it does mean a willing submission to leadership, the proper leadership that God has established in the home. But we don't like that concept today of submission to leadership. It's seen as archaic and oppressive to women and certainly it isn't. God would never command anything that was oppressive to us. Everything God commands for us in His Word is for our benefit. One of the reasons why our homes are in such chaos today is because we're not following the principles of the Bible about how they're to function. Now certainly I will admit that submission and headship and all that is not helped any by some husbands, even in Christian homes. I'm talking about the husband who is a couch potato but orders his wife and children around like the Sultan of Morocco. Or I'm talking about the husband who has the sensitivity of Jabba the Hut but is always spouting off Bible verses about submission and what the wife is supposed to do in the home. And I'm talking about the kind of husband who is so insecure that he will not let his wife do anything without his permission. I would say to you that all three of those kinds of husbands are abusing a God-given place of authority and leadership. That's not proper leadership, that's not proper authority, it's an abuse of authority. The authority we're going to see in verse 23 in just a moment is likened to Christ in the church but Paul commands wives to be submissive to the authority and leadership of their husbands. And notice in verse 22 he says, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. That doesn't mean that your husband takes the place of Christ in your life. It doesn't mean that you're to submit to him as though he were Christ. What it means is that your loving submission, willing submission to your husband and the marriage relationship is a part of the outworking of your submission and obedience and yielded us to Christ. It's one of the ways that as a wife you show your obedience and submission to Christ is by being willing to be submissive to the leadership of your husband in the home. Now that's the command, the command of submission. In verse 23 Paul gives us the reason for submission. Notice what he says there, verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. This is the reason for the command of verse 22. Or because, here's the reason, because the husband is the head of the wife. And what does that mean? Well, there are those even in Christian circles today, believe it or not, pastors, theologians, writers on these themes that don't like the idea of submission. They don't think it plays well in the culture. And so they have tried to say that this word head means source or origin. And they say all it means is that woman came from man in the Garden of Eden. Adam was created first, woman was taken from his rib. And so she came from, that man is his origin. Well, that's not what the word means. There's an excellent article about this, a New Testament scholar, one of the greatest scholars, theologians in our country today. Dr. Wayne Grudum has written on this whole subject, and he has studied every occurrence of the word head in the New Testament and in Greek literature of the day. And he's found it occurs 2,336 times in the Bible and in Greek literature of the day. And never one time does it mean source or origin. It always means authority or leadership. You cannot argue around this concept. The husband is the head of the home. God has given him a position of leadership in the home. You know, we recognize that in every other institution, don't we? We recognize that a school needs a principal, and companies need CEOs, and a bank needs a president, the church needs a pastor, and we recognize leadership structures in everything else. Well, God has just intended that if the home is to function as he intends it to, that there must be a leadership structure. The husband is the head of the wife, and the wife is to be lovingly and willingly submissive to his leadership. But I want you to see something about this headship in verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife. That's quite clear, but notice what else Paul says. He says he is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, men, we are to exercise our headship just like Jesus does toward the church. What kind of leadership is that? Well, it's servant leadership. It's a kind of servant leadership that wants what is best, and looks first of all for the interests of the one it's serving, the one it's leading. You know, the Bible, Jesus himself said this about his own leadership, talking to his disciples in Mark chapter 10. And verse 45, Jesus said, for even the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. In the upper room, the night before Jesus died, his disciples are squabbling about who's going to be at the favored positions in the kingdom. Because they think, you know, Jesus is in Jerusalem now. You know, we just welcomed him into town on Sunday. He's going to set up his kingdom. And they're arguing about that. And Jesus says to them in describing the leadership structures of the Gentiles, how they lured it over people. Jesus says to them in Luke chapter 22 and verse 26, but you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest and the one who rules like the one who serves. So what is leadership in the home? What does it mean to be head of your home? It means to provide servant leadership to look toward the interests of your wife first and lead that home in such a way that takes her interest over yours. That's the kind of servant leadership that Jesus provides. So men, that means that you will never expect anything of your wife that God forbids. And it means you will never forbid anything that God expects. That's loving Christ-like leadership in the home, servant leadership. It means that there is no metars in Eugene kind of mentality in the home. You know, beat your chest and prove your macho guy. No, it doesn't mean that. It means that you are a servant to your wife and you lead that home in the direction which will best fulfill her needs. But mark it down. Men, you are responsible before God to lead your home. You are responsible to provide leadership and decisions. You are responsible to provide leadership spiritually in your home. To set the direction that home will go. To lead your home as a spiritual leader. God expects that of you. You'll answer to him someday for that. And as you provide that leadership, do so with dependence on God. Do so in a spirit of prayer. Do so by counseling with your wife and getting her input. Not just running over top of her. Provide servant leadership. But men, lead your homes. God has called you to be the head of your home. Don't let your wife set the tone spiritually. In some homes, that's necessary. A wife has to do that or there's nothing spiritually in the home. But men, you take that leadership role in your home. You guide your family. Teach your family. Lead your family. We are responsible before God to do that. The reason why a wife is to be submissive is because we're given a role of leadership, headship. But Paul also talks about the nature of that submission in verse 24. Here's what it looks like. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands and everything. Now, I would ask you, when is the church most fulfilling her destiny and her purpose? It's when she's submissive to Christ, her head. When is the church most free to do what God wants it to do? When the church is submissive to Christ? When is the church experiencing the greatest revival and spiritual vitality? When it is submissive to its head, Christ. Now, if that's the way it's supposed to look, women, you have nothing to fear from proper submission. Because that's the way God intended the home to work. And so, as you're submissive to your husband's leadership, you will find yourself blessed. You will find yourself fulfilling the purpose that God has for you in the home. Now, I will be the first to admit that man's sinfulness has complicated this. You know, if man had never fallen into sin, headship and submission would have been a beautiful thing. You know, Adam and Eve, if they had never followed the serpent and fallen into sin, I mean, this would have worked beautifully. Husbands would have led their homes with a servant kind of leadership that's always placing value up on their wife and seeking what's best for their interests. And wives would lovingly submit to that kind of leadership and the home would work beautifully. But sin has brought some problems into the mix. And so, there are some of us husbands that abuse our position of headship. We become domineering. We kind of run over our wives. Or some husbands are just extremely passive. And they figure, you know, I bring a paycheck home. I provide for my family the rest of it's up to her. If anything's going to be done with the kids, if anything's going to be done about going to church, if anything's going to be done about what happens in this home or the direction we go, it's up to her. I've done my part. Passive husbands are disobedient because of sin to this structure that God has set up in the home. And worse yet, some of us husbands are just plain ungodly in our expectations of our wives. Or in the way we lead our homes. Now, I do not believe that submission to authority means that a wife must accept ungodly demands from her husband. I don't believe that the Bible's teaching that. I think a wife has every right to question the reasoning of her husband, point out where he may be wrong. That's not a rebellious spirit. That can be done in a loving spirit that shows a longing to be submissive to his leadership. But remember, our highest authority is God himself. And if a husband abuses his leadership with ungodly expectations that demands you do something that is unbiblical or would mean disobeying God, your first obedience must go to God. But wives also are sinners. Now, I see the shock on some of you lady's faces. I realize it comes as a surprise to some of you, that announcement. But wives are also sinners. And so sin has corrupted the other side of the equation as well. Where sometimes wives are not willing to be submissive to their husbands. They become domineering. They become calculating and manipulative in the relationship. And they have their husband wrapped around their finger. They, he does everything they say or they expect. And they've got the upper hand in the home unwilling to support the leadership of your husband. So you see sin complicates this a little bit and makes it difficult to live out in reality. I heard about one husband who had heard a message like this in church, you know, and he had heard about headship and submission. And the ride home is kind of quiet. You know, and they got to the house and all of a sudden he blurt's out. And he says, that is the way it's going to be around our home from now on. I want you to know, I am the head of this home and my word is law. Now, I expect you to fix me a gourmet dinner this evening. And when I finish that dinner, I expect a sumptuous dessert. And when I finish my dessert, I expect you to draw me a bathtub full of water and let me relax. And when I finish my bath, do you know who's going to dress me and comb my hair? She looked at him and said the funeral director. Some of you had those kind of conversations in your home, right? Well, sin does complicate things to where it makes it difficult to live this out because some men take headship and just use it as a club and some women don't have any clue what submission is really like. But the Bible standard is still there. And especially for Christian homes, Paul's talking to believers here. People who for Christ to be in their lives makes a difference in the way they should live. I mean, for us of all people, this ought to work. If we're submitting to Jesus Christ, then it ought to work in our homes that we provide loving headship and willing submission to that leadership. That's the way it needs to work in the home. The wife is to respect her husband, but Paul doesn't stop there. In fact, he spends more time on the husbands in verses 25 to 32, in talking about husbands loving your wife. So what does it mean for husbands to love their wives? Well, Paul describes it in five different ways in this passage. And he describes it by using the illustration of again, again, Christ and the church and how Christ loved the church. Now, notice, first of all, in verse 25, he says, our love for our wives is to be a sacrificial love. You see it there in verse 25? Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That's sacrifice. Our love is to be a sacrificial love for our wives. Now, Jesus loved his church, his bride in that way. As we saw in the verse earlier, he did not come to be served. He came to serve. And he demonstrated that in his ministry, especially in the upper room that night when the disciples were arguing about who was going to be the greatest. And obviously, when you're arguing about who's going to be the greatest, nobody wants to take the position of a servant and go over and get that basin of water and towel and wash the dirty, dusty feet of the other disciples. Because if you do that for your other disciples, you're putting yourself on a lower run. You're not going to be the prime minister in Christ kingdom. So it's Jesus who gets up and gets the basin of water and the towel and serves. So Jesus sacrificed himself. But obviously, the greatest sacrifice of all was when he gave his life on the cross. He gave himself up in death for the church, for us, his bride, his people. That's how much he loved us that he was willing to die for us. Now, that's putting the interests of his people first. That's putting what was best for us, what we needed above, what was convenient for him, above what was even joyful for him. The Bible says it this way. In Hebrews chapter 12, it says that because of or for the joy that was set before him, not the joy of experiencing then, but the joy that he would see in the future. For that reason, he endured the cross despising the shame. He endured the cross. It was painful. It was hard. It was the ultimate sacrifice. But he did it because he saw ahead the joy that he would have in his people, his bride, he sacrificed for us. And then our love needs to be the same way for our wives. We need to live with a servant spirit to give of ourselves to her, to decide, to live, to lead in ways that puts her interests first. It's the opposite of selfishness. It's the opposite of saying, I'm going to do what pleases me. It's the opposite of saying, I'm going to live in a way that fits my schedule. It's the opposite of saying, I'm going to do what makes me happy. It's a servant sacrificial love for the good of our wives. Now, how do you do that? Well, if we're going to have a sacrificial love for our wives, it means that we could take time, should take time from our own interests for her. It means that we should give energy into helping her when we really feel like relaxing. It means we should give focus to listening to her when we'd rather read the newspaper, watch sports center. It means being as helpful as we saw in the video. I thought it was kind of strange that it was a guy that had to pick up the towel and put the dishes in the dishwasher and all that. Usually, it's the other way around, isn't it? I don't mean to stereotype, but quite often, it's us guys who leave the towel in the floor and don't put the clothes in the dirty hamper and leave dishes scattered all over the place. A sacrificial kind of love says, you know what that does to my wife? It makes more work for her. Come on, come on guys, let's forget about our convenience. Let's do what's right for them for our wives. It shows that we think of her first. I love his writing, love his preaching, pastoral college church in Wheaton. It's written in excellent commentary on Ephesians. And speaking of this verse, he says, for some men, this is like Dante's Inferno. You know the great poem at the Inferno where he describes Paradise and then he describes the Gates of Hades. And he says, for some men, it's like the golf course is Paradise, where the NCAA Tournament is Paradise or working on the old car out back. That's Paradise, but to walk through a store in the mall to go shopping with your wife. It's like written over that is like the gates of the Inferno of Hades, abandoned all hope, ye who enter here. You know that's the way some men feel. Well there's nothing wrong with playing golf and there's nothing wrong with the NCAA Tournament thank the Lord. And there's nothing wrong with working on an old car out back. But if that takes you away from your wife and if you never do anything that interests her, you're not loving her sacrificial. It's a sacrificial love. Secondly, the Bible says it's to be a pure love in verse 26. Not only did he give himself up for her or the church, the Bible says, but in verse 26, to make her holy, to make her holy. You see Jesus loves us not just at the point of saving us, but he wants to make us holy. Know what the word holy means? It means to be set apart. When Jesus saves us, he sets us apart to himself, which means he wants no rivals in our lives. He wants no other gods usurping his place in our heart. And the Bible is using that as an example of how we ought to love our wives. We ought to love our wives by focusing on them, loving them exclusively, tolerating no rivals at all to our heart's affection. When you stood before a preacher someday and you repeated vows, it probably sounded something like this. He probably asked you for saking all others. Will you keep yourself only unto her so long as you both shall live? You probably answered yes. To that vow. If you did, you made a vow, man, to keep yourself only for her. Keep that marriage love pure. Now that doesn't mean you can't respect and admire others and be friendly to others. Doesn't mean you have to be a recluse and be unfriendly to every other female. Doesn't mean that. But it does mean don't let anybody steal your heart's affection. Don't let your affection gravitate toward anyone else. You know, the book of Proverbs warns about that and it warns about being ravished with the wife of your youth as Proverbs 5 says. And don't let your heart be taken by anyone else. Whether it's a real live flesh and blood person or somebody on your computer screen. Don't let your heart be taken by anyone else. It's to be a pure love. You're to be set apart for her and she is to be set apart for you. Holy. But not only is it to be a sacrificial love and a pure love, it's to be a patient love. Verse 26, again, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word. That's the next thing that describes Jesus' love for us. And what that means is that Jesus is not just to save us and set us apart to Himself, but He begins at that point a lifelong process of cleaning us up, you know, of getting us to look more like Him, washing us from our sin, and developing our character so that we look more like Him. And isn't that a very patient endeavor of our Lord? He has to put up with a lot with us, doesn't he? I mean, we don't always follow along with the plan that Jesus has for us in making us more like Him through the washing of the Word of God. But He's so patient, He never gives up on us. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Psalm 103. We won't take the time to look at it now, but that's a wonderful passage that describes how patient God is, how much He loves us, that He realizes we're just dust. He understands our frame, He knows what we're made of, and so He doesn't discard us when we fail Him. He forgives us, and He says, okay, let's work on this Samoa, and He is infinitely patient with us. Now that's the kind of love, the Bible is teaching, we ought to have for our wives. Now don't press the analogy too far. It's not your responsibility as a husband to change your wife, you know, you're up here, you're perfect, and you're going to kind of bring her along. That's not the idea. But the point is this, be patient, with her, just as she must be patient with you. We are all sinners, we are all imperfect, and so be patient with your wife as she grows, as she learns, as she becomes more like Jesus, be patient with her. Sometimes we have such high expectations as husbands. Don't expect your wife to be the perfect ideal wife. Any more than you can live up to being the perfect ideal husband. But don't expect her to get up way before dawn every morning and prepare three gourmet meals for you every day, and do everything that's needed for the kids, and keep a perfectly spotless house, and work 10 hours a day outside the home to provide extra income, but be home to greet you when you come through the door with a hug and a kiss, and have a gourmet meal for you on the table. Don't expect that. I mean none of us are perfect and can measure up to the perfect ideal. Be patient with your wife as she continues to grow. That's the kind of love Jesus has for us. That's the kind of love the Bible says what I have for our wives. It's a patient love. But not only is it a sacrificial love, an apure love, and a patient love, it's an enduring love verse 27. And to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. You know what that's looking forward to? It's looking forward to a future day. A future day when Jesus comes back to set up His kingdom, and the Bible says in Revelation 19 that His bride is dressed in her wedding garments, and there's a wedding feast that Jesus is going to sit us down and serve us at the wedding feast when we are presented to Him as His bride. Now that's what this verse is talking about. But the point that Paul is making is that Jesus love endures. It lasts all the way through our life to the end where we are with Him in heaven. It's an enduring love. And husbands, we are to love our wives in the same way with an enduring love, a love that never stops. You see, in order to get us to that point where we are presented to Jesus as a church, the Bible says that we are presented without spot stain or wrinkle or any other blemish. He has to bring us through a lot of that kind of thing before we get to the point where we're with Him in heaven. And married love is the same way. Married life is the same way. Life is that way. You know the older we get, the more spots and wrinkles we get, right? I'm beginning to notice a few. On me, not Jeannie. I'm beginning to notice a few. I notice the other day. What's that on my hand? That won't clean off. It's what they call an age spot. And I'm beginning to find a few more wrinkles, although I prefer to call them wisdom creases rather than wrinkles. You see, the older we get, the more spots and wrinkles and blemishes we have. But you know what? In marriage, that shouldn't matter. Because the older you get, and the more your body begins to show the aging process, there's something else that's also happening in that marriage. If you're loving each other like you should, husbands, if you're loving your wives like Christ loved the church, there are a million things that tie you together now, that nobody else can share in your life. They may have to do with all the memories you've shared together, all the hardships you've gone through together, all the difficulty of raising your family, the joy of your grandchildren. You know, as we get older together, there are millions of ties and strands that intertwine our lives together and bring us closer together. It doesn't matter about a few spots and wrinkles. That's not important anymore. It's not important to have a cover girl image, or a muscle man image anymore. What's important is that you love each other in an enduring fashion. I've told you this story before. It's one of my favorite stories though. I think it bears repeating about Winston Churchill. The guy was always just ready with the right thing to say. Churchill was at a banquet one time with a lot of dignitaries and kind of an icebreaker to get things going before the meal. They went around the table and they were asked this question, if you could not be who you are, who would you be? Who would you like to be? Everybody was answering some historical figure or some well-known person in their own time that had accomplished something great. If I couldn't be who I am, I'd like to be that person or I'd like to be that person. Churchill was the last one to respond and when the question came around to him, he stood and he said, if I could not be who I am today, I would like to be. He paused at that moment, took the hand of his dear wife, Clemmie. I would like to be Lady Churchill's second husband. He scored a few points that day, didn't he? But I don't think he said that just because he knew it would find him in the great graces of his wife, I think you really meant it. You feel that way about your wife, the longer you're together, the older you grow together, that's an enduring love. That's the kind of love Jesus has for us. It's the kind of love we're to have for our wives. But one other thing Paul says, it's to be a caring love. It's to be a caring love. The Bible says in verse 28, in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Now, man, that does not say you are to love your wife as much as you love yourself. That's not what that's talking about. And people wax long about, oh, self love and we have to love ourselves so that we can love our wives. It's not what the verse is saying. It doesn't say love your wife as much as you love yourself. It says love your wife as your body. And what he's talking about is clear in the context is that you have a union with your wife to where she is a part of yourself. I mean, he says the only way you can compare it is the union the church has with Christ. And that's what he's talking about in the passage. He says in verse 30, he says we are members of his body, speaking of Christ, our union with him, verse 32. This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. So, you know, when you get saved, you are united with Christ. There's a union you have with him that is not completely explainable, but when you sin, it greets him. When you are live righteously, it exalts him and pleases him. There is everything you do affects him. You're one with him. You are in Christ. And verse 31 says, it's the same thing with a husband and wife. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. The emphasis of the context is on the unity, the union, the oneness that we have as husband and wife. So what does it mean to love your wife as your body? It means to love her as a part of yourself. She is more than a homemaker and a cook and a lover. She is a part of who you are. Your lives are intertwined in a wonderful union that cannot be expressed or completely explained, but you are one. Love her as yourself, as a part of yourself. Love her in that way. The Bible is teaching. You know, when the Word of God talks about a caring love, it talks about a love that puts our wife first, a love that cherishes her, that nourishes her. In fact, in verse 29, this is exactly what Paul says. This is the way it explains that caring love. Verse 29, look at it. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it just as Christ does the church. Feeds and cares for it. Talking about our own body, we have a natural instinct to feed and care for our body. I still like the old King James words here, nourish and cherish. We are to nourish our wives, just like we nourish our bodies. Just like a farmer nourishes the soil by putting ingredients into the soil that will provide for stronger crops, maybe letting a field lie for a year and planting alfalfa in it so it will add more nitrogen to the soil, doing something to nourish that soil. Are you doing anything to nourish your relationship with your wife? You spend any time talking together or is time at home just complete silence, each doing their own thing. You ever go out on a date? You ever take her out to do something to go out to eat? I know I'm getting you guys in trouble right now, but that's okay. I heard about a farmer out in the Midwest, her or a tornado alley. His wife were in bed one night and sure enough, there was a huge storm brewing and tornado was spawned in their area and it came right over their house, lifted the roof off of their house and lifted their bed up through the roof with them still in it and the wife started crying and the husband said this is no time to cry and she said but I'm so happy, this is the first time we've been out together in 20 years. I hope that could not be said of you in your marriage. Are you doing anything to nourish the soil of your marriage? And then the word care for or literally cherish. The word means to treat as special to see as a precious gift from God. Some men treat their golf clubs better than they treat their wives. Some men treat the fishing tackle better than they treat their wives. Some men treat their old car or their motorcycle better than they treat their wives. The cherish those things, their gun collection, cherish those things more than they cherish their wives. That's sad, that's tragic. Your wife ought to be your most valuable asset. Your wife ought to be the most valuable cherished treasure in your life. That's what Paul is saying, nourish and cherish her. That's a caring kind of love. I have the best view at marriages, at weddings. I love weddings, I don't necessarily love. Everything that leads up to them, but I love the wedding itself, such a joyous occasion. And I have the best view in the house. I'm 18 to 24 inches away from the couple. Jim has experienced this, maybe others have you have to. 18 to 24 inches away from the couple, I can see the blush in the bride's face. I can see the moistness in both of their eyes. I watch with wonder sometimes when either he or she will wipe across or reach across and wipe a tear off the cheek of the other one. I can hear the little whispers of, I love you. Are you sure you made the reservations for the cruise? I can hear all of that. I get to see and hear so much that you never see out in the audience. It's a special time. It's really special privilege. Sometimes during a song I will let my mind wonder a little bit. While the song's being played, we're all just standing there. I watch the couple smile at each other and wipe away that tear, whisper, I love you. My mind wonders a little bit. I begin to think, how will they do? Will he provide the kind of loving leadership for that home that will nourish his wife and really care for her? Will she willingly submit to that leadership and support him and his role in the home? I wonder how they'll do. I wonder if they will, when they come up against hard ship, allow it to draw them close together and form some of those ties that draw them close together. I wonder if they'll turn away from each other and drift apart. I wonder if they will put energy into their marriage so that their love grows with time rather than just drifting along to the point that eventually neither one of them cares anymore. I wonder how they'll do. Because right now it's all living happily ever after and it's so exciting and it's so beautiful and we've got a honeymoon planned and the happily ever after is going to hit the reality of life. I wonder sometimes how will they do? And in those moments, quietly without closing my eyes, I will offer a brief prayer for them. I wonder if they will put Christ first and allow him to be the center of their lives so that when the happily ever after hits the reality of life, they really can live happily ever after. And I pray that for you and for me today too. Let's pray together. Father, thank you that you are concerned enough about us. You love this enough to sacrifice your own life for us. And Lord, we know that you want what's best for us in our homes too, or you would not have put such clear instruction in your word like this. Lord, I know that there are many sitting here today for whom living happily ever after has vanished. And maybe there are some in this room today who are at the point where they're willing to call it quits, ready to call it quits and ready to give up on their vows and their marriage. Oh, God, I pray that by your spirit you would intervene in a very direct way today. You would speak to that husband, speak to that wife, help them to go back to the pattern. Lord, and realize that they can live happily ever after. They can live through your principles in a love that's growing deeper and stronger, more beautiful as the years go by. Lord, I pray that they would be willing to recommit their lives to each other today. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.