The Ups and Downs of Family Life

Please open your Bibles to Genesis chapter 21 this evening. Genesis chapter 21. A few years ago I would be amazed at my children as they would talk about the old days when mom and dad grew up. I know to some of you that seems rather foolish, but seems like every generation of children feels like their parents are ancient. My kids, they know better now, but a few years ago when they were younger, they actually were surprised to hear that we had cars and TVs when mom and dad were growing up, although they were black and white TVs. They were surprised to hear that we even had dead. I'm convinced they thought we grew up just across the hill from Little House on the Prairie. I guess we are all convinced that our generation has faced something that no other generation has ever faced. Every generation goes through this. We think we are unique in the problems and challenges that we face. Certainly husbands and wives did not use to have conflicts. Certainly there were no such things as broken homes in times past. Certainly there was no such thing as peer pressure that kids faced in times past. I am convinced that although our problems may be more prevalent and they may demonstrate themselves differently than they used to, they have always been around. Always been around. For me, peer pressure in grade school had nothing to do with Nike sneakers or designer jeans had to do with marbles. On the playground, if a guy had a cat's eye or a steely, that was the guy you wanted to be. I can remember very well those games of marbles out on the playground and trying to win a steely or trying to win a cat's eye. That was the thing back then. Paul Harvey said it best when he said in times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. And he's right. As we study God's Word, we find out really how relevant it is to our lives today. And certainly this chapter is an example in point. It deals with the ups and downs of family life in such a way that sounds like Moses had some insight into our families today. And what we go through in our family lives today. You talk about the joys of a family, the joys of welcoming a new child into a family, a new baby, right here. In Genesis chapter 1, you talk about the tensions caused by a blended family right here in Genesis chapter 21. You talk about the stress of sibling rivalry right here in Genesis chapter 21. You talk about the pain of a family torn apart by bad decisions, it's right here in Genesis chapter 21. Same things we face today are found in Genesis chapter 21. So Abraham's family story sounds a lot like our family stories today. Let's see what it was like in Abraham's tent and then we'll see what it's like in our homes today. First of all, life in Abraham's tent. Let's look at chapter 21 and read this story that unfolds for us here. Verses 1 through 8 describe the joy of family blessings, the joy of family blessings. Verse 1, Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age. At the very time God had promised him. So the great suspense that started back in chapter 12 where God had first promised that Abraham would be the father of a great nation and would have many descendants. That suspense that started back then has now ended and God promises or God does as he promised to Abraham and Sarah in giving them a child. Verse 3 says Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son, Sarah bore him. Isaac is the Hebrew word for laughter. And certainly there was much laughter and joy that came because of this new baby in their home. Verse 4, When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him as God commanded him. Abraham was faithful to the sign of the covenant God had made with him and circumcised his son. Then in verse 5, Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. The mention of Abraham's age obviously being a reminder of God's faithfulness to fulfill his promise. Even at Abraham's advanced age God is faithful to fulfill the promise that he had made to him. Verse 6 and 7, Notice Sarah's joy. Sarah said, God has brought me laughter and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me. And she added, Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children yet I have borne him a son in his old age? The joy, the laughter that comes and then verse 8, the child grew and was weaned and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. Now in that time children were typically weaned in their third year. And this was the occasion for a great feast and normally at this right of passage if you will a great feast would be observed. And that's the case here, great time of rejoicing. So the joy of family blessing is described in Abraham's tent. But the tone quickly changes. In verses 9 through 14 we find the heartbreak of family conflict. Look at verse 9. But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking. Now the word for mocking is the Hebrew word for laughter. But it is in a form in the Hebrew language which is intensive. Which means it was not just laughter fun and games. It was a derisive kind of laughter. It was a mocking kind of laughter. And the Naveas translated the word very well. It was mocking. In fact the book of Galatians kind of settles this for us when it describes what he was doing this way. Look at this verse on the screen Galatians chapter 4 verse 29. At that time the son borne in the ordinary way, that is Ishmael, persecuted the son born by the power of the spirit. That's Isaac. It is the same now. So the word persecuted is used here. This was mocking, derisive type of laughter. Probably this had gone on a long time. But at this feast it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back for Sarah and she could take it no longer. You see Ishmael is 17 at this time and he recognizes he has lost because of the birth of this little boy. He's now three years old. He has lost all his rights as the oldest son. He has lost any inheritance rights. He knows that now for sure. And so the mocking and the derision and the persecution have grown worse. The only way Sarah can see out of this is described in verse 10. And she said to Abraham, get rid of that slave woman and her son for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac. The only solution is a complete break in these two parts of the family. Well look at what verse 11 says on Abraham's side. The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. Ishmael was after all his son. And the idea of a complete separation, a complete break was almost too much for him to bear. But then God steps in verse 12. But God said to him, do not be so distressed about the boy and your maid servant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maid servant and do a nation also because he is your offspring. So God basically tells Abraham do what Sarah is saying. This is a part of my plan to fulfill my purpose for Isaac. But to soften some of the heartache for you, I want to reaffirm my promise that I will also bless Ishmael. I also have promises for him as well. And so verse 14. Early the next morning, Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hegar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. And we find next the third scene in this drama played out in Abraham's tent and that is God's provision for family suffering. The end of verse 14 reads, she went on her way and wondered in the desert of Bersheba. When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes. Then she went off and sat down nearby about a bowshot away for she thought I cannot watch the boy die. And as she sat there nearby, she began to sob. What a heart-rending scene this is. You can imagine her portioning out those last gulps of water to her son, probably not taking any herself. She's wandering in the wilderness. She's lost her way trying to get back to her home in Egypt. And as she watches those last drops of water being gulped down greedily by her son, who is I remind you 17 years old? Doesn't this just reflect the power and strength of a mother to be able to carry her 17 year old son when he is too weak to go on? She places him under probably a little juniper tree that had some shade to it and then she cannot bear to watch him die. So she goes off about 200 feet and waits for him to die and began to cry. Verse 17, God steps in again. God heard the boy crying and the angel of God called the haigar from heaven and said to her, what is the matter, haigar? Do not be afraid. God has heard the boy crying as he lies there, lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation. Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. See, wells were usually covered in those days, sometimes even hidden with branches and so forth to make sure that not anybody would know where they were, just the people to whom they belonged. So God opened her eyes and providentially led her to where a well of water was and she was able to get water for her and her son. Verse 20, God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer while he was living in the desert of Paran. His mother got a wife for him from Egypt. God's provision for family suffering. Now that is life in Abraham's tent, very similar really in what all happens to what we go through today. And therefore there are very specific applications to life in your house and my house. There are four abiding lessons that I would like for us to think about tonight. Life in our homes. First of all, we must trust God in regard to our families. God's ways are not always clear. His ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. We don't always understand what he's doing. Why would Abraham and Sarah have to wait 25 years for God's promise of a son to be fulfilled? The Bible never explains specifically why? Maybe it was to test their faith or develop their faith in the power of God. But for whatever the reason, they waited 25 years. But God kept his word and he would keep his word regarding his smear too. God's promises would come true. One of the hardest lessons for us to learn is that God does not operate on our timetables. He doesn't check our wristwatches. He doesn't go by our calendars. He operates on his own timetable. When he knows that the time is right, he moves to fulfill his own purposes, his own plan, and he does what he knows is best at the time he knows is best for it to be done. That's a hard lesson for us to learn. Some of you here tonight are probably waiting for God to answer a prayer. Do you feel like you're hanging on for dear life by your fingertips and Satan is stomping all over your fingertips and you're just about ready to let go? Some of you are feeling that way, I'm sure. We must learn to trust him, to cast ourself on his wisdom, his love, his strength, trust God in relation to the difficulties of our lives, and that is nowhere more true than with our families. It is so true in regard to our families. Like Abraham, God has a purpose in the family he gives you. In exactly the family he gives you, God has a purpose and a plan for the family. He has a purpose in the number of children he gives you. And God has sovereign in that. He has a purpose in that. I remember hearing about a little boy who wanted so bad, a baby brother, and his father who knew something that the little boy did not know, told him or did not understand. I guess, told him to pray for about two months and the Lord would give them a baby boy. And so that little boy began to pray, but after a month or so he got kind of tired of praying, and he quit. Well, sure enough, two months after his dad had told him to start praying, mom came home from a couple days in the hospital, and dad led the little boy into the bedroom to see what mom had brought home from the hospital. And lo and behold, there were two little boys waiting for their brother. And so when dad was explaining to him all that was taking place and that God had worked and answered prayer, he was trying to explain to the little boy said, son, aren't you glad that you prayed? See, God answered your prayer and little boys eyes got wide and said, yeah, I'm glad I prayed. But dad, aren't you glad I stopped when I did. God is sovereign in the number of children that he gives us. God is sovereign in the timing of their birth. God is sovereign in the gender of our children. Some people get upset because they have all daughters or they have all sons. God is sovereign in those things. That's something I had to learn because I was the last one to carry on the King family name. And I just decided, well, when God gave me three girls, he didn't want the King family name to go on. My dad was the only son. I was the only son. Maybe God wanted something else to be transferred along rather than the name. I had to learn that lesson because when we found out unexpectedly we were expecting Missy. Can you expect a baby unexpectedly? But anyway, we did. And when we found that out, I thought this is the opportunity. God is right. God will surely give us a little boy and he didn't. And when I first heard that it was not going to be a little boy, I was a little disappointed. And then the Lord quickly rebuked me over that. And I don't know what I would have done with a little boy. I'm so thankful. God gave us Missy. He's sovereign in the gender of our children. He is sovereign in the temperament of our children. Mostly they are like us, right? But he is sovereign in the temperament of our children. I knew a family one time that had four very complied with the child of our children. You know those families. You may know some of them. They think they are the perfect parents. Because all of their children are so compliant. You know, all they have to do is kind of look at them and the children fall right in line and just, oh, revere them. And this family were very proud of how good parents they were. They had very little to do with it, to be honest with you. I mean, do this compliant children. I believe God has a sense of humor. God gave them a fifth child unexpectedly. And that child was a holy terror. He just tried everything to go against his or her parents will. And they learned a little bit of humility about the fact that sometimes a child's temperament makes it very difficult for a parent to deal with that child as they may with others. God is sovereign. And all of those things in giving us the family we have, or he is sovereign in whether or not we have any children at all. And that may be the most difficult part of this to accept. But God is sovereign in whether or not we eat the child. We even have children at all. He may have a plan for you that does not include biological children of your own. He may have a plan for you that involves kinds of ministry that would not be possible if you had children of your own. Or the opportunity to reach out to children who do not have parents who love them and care for them. God is sovereign in all of those things. We must learn to trust God in relation to our families. Just like Abraham and Sarah had to learn to trust God. In the 25-year delay in giving them a son and then giving them Isaac. I think a second principle we can learn about the ups and downs of family life from this story is that God wants us to enjoy our families. God wants us to enjoy our families versus one through seven. A lot of laughter in those verses isn't there? They name him Isaac, which means laughter. Sarah laughed in verse six. Everyone who hears about this will laugh. She says, who would have thought, who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? He had a born him a son in his old age. A lot of laughter in that family. I believe our families are to be enjoyed, to laugh with, to love, to spend time together to play games, to love each other and laugh with one another. I remember years ago hearing Joe Stoll, when he was the president of Moody Bible Institute, tell a story about when his boys were younger and he would be flying out to a speaking engagement somewhere and they would start crying because their daddy was flying again on an airplane. He said one time his little boy came up to him and he just thought, you know, this is so sweet that they're concerned about the safety of their dad and all. He said his little boy came up and grabbed him around the leg and said, daddy, if the plane crashes, who will wrestle with me? He was not a bit concerned about who will provide for my education in the future or how will our family be able to raise these children? He wasn't concerned about that. He was concerned about who will wrestle with me. I believe God wants us to laugh with our families, love our families, have fun with our families and even celebrate special occasions. Verse 8, the weaning of a child was a cause for celebration in that day and Abraham threw a great feast when that occasion that milestone was reached in this family. Celebrate birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, special achievements in that child's life, celebrate them and it doesn't have to be something big and elaborate. In fact, I'm sure that you have found this out as we have as well. Enjoy the little things in life for some day you will realize they were the big things in life. The things our kids remember are the little things we did, the family traditions at Christmas and things like that, not the big fancy things that we did, the little things that meant a lot to them. So enjoy the little things in life. It doesn't take a lot of money to enjoy your family. God wants us to enjoy our families. And then a third lesson I think we can learn is this. In a sinful world, families will have problems. Abraham's family sure did. In fact, the problems that he experienced in this chapter illustrate three of the most common problems that families face today. First is sibling rivalry, ischmeal, taunting, persecuting, isek. You ever face any of that in your family? Anybody who has more than one child, typically, if they're very close together at all, typically has some kind of sibling rivalry that goes on. Kids fight with one another, they throw things at one another, they bite and pinch and kick one another, they do all kinds of things with one another. It's amazing that more than one child in a family ever grows up to adulthood. I can remember our kids when Amy and Ruth were small. They fought like cats and dogs. And you know what it was? In their teenage years it was over close. They wanted to wear each other's clothes. And I don't know the number of times when I had to lay down the law in our home and say, there will be no sharing of clothes. Again, ever in this family. And about a month later, you know, they would come back real repentant. And you know, we can do okay with this and they would start sharing clothes in a week later. They'd be in a fist fight over somebody got something out of my chest of drawers. You know, and that kind of kids have a tendency to do that. They're sibling rivalry. And that's one of the most difficult things for parents to deal with. You know, it's the most irritating and frustrating aspect of parenting, especially when the children are young. Abraham faced it, you'll face it in your family. You have more than one child. There's a second problem that Abraham faced. Husband and wife conflict. Husband and wife conflict. Sarah says, Abraham, you have got to get Ishmael and Hagar out of this household. And the Bible says, it distressed Abraham greatly. I'm sure there were some tense conversations over this. I'm sure there were some pretty icy evenings in Abraham's tent over this. There is always in any relationship some ups and there are some downs. Most of you here who've been here a few years, remember Lehman Strauss. Lehman Strauss, great Bible teacher, writer. For the last few years of his life, he would come here every other year and hold a Bible conference. And those of you who are here, they knew him and just fell in love with him. Lehman Strauss had a son by the name of Richard Strauss. Richard was a pastor. Pastor to large church in the later years of his ministry out in San Diego, a church of about three or four thousand. He and his wife Mary were regular guests on focus on the family. They spoke quite often. They wrote several books on family life. One of the books they wrote was the book entitled When Two Walk Together. And in one of the chapters in that book written by Richard and Mary Strauss, they talk about marital conflict. And they begin with a story about themselves, very openly and transparently talking about their own relationship. I want to read part of that to you. It's just so real. It wasn't a happy evening. From the moment I walked through the door, I knew that Mary was in an irritable mood. I didn't know whether the kids had gotten to her or some church member had said something unkind or she was just not feeling well. But I suspected sooner or later she might turn her wrath on me. Besides, I hadn't had a particularly pleasant day myself and wasn't about to look for trouble by probing for the problem. When we had finished eating and cleaning up the kitchen, I sat down to read the newspaper. That's when it started. You're not going to read that paper, are you? Well, yes, why shouldn't I? If you have time to read the paper, then you have time to bathe the kids and put them to bed. Mary, I've had a tough day and I have to leave for a board meeting in 45 minutes. Let me relax for a little while. Though I had suspected this would happen, I still wasn't ready for it. I could feel myself getting defensive and my response was less than understanding. We argued until I left for the church board meeting. When I returned home, the atmosphere was sullen and silent. Now we were lying in bed six inches apart, yet hundreds of miles from each other emotionally. Both bodies as still as Egyptian mummies. Neither one dared to move an arm or a leg, lested accidentally touch the other and be interpreted as a desire to talk it out or horror of horrors apologize. We were in for another long night of conflict. You ever been there? Husband and wife? Would you like to give a personal testimony about it? Bainard will talk after the service, brother. We all have been there. If we're honest, we're married, we all have been in those evenings where the tension was high. Husband and wife conflict goes with the territory. There are other family problems represented here, though. Problems with extended family. The whole Hagar-ishmi old deal was an extended family problem. We have problems with that today. Don't we in-laws? We have problems with in-laws. Someone has said mixed emotions is watching your mother-in-law drive over the cliff in your new car. That's mixed emotions. I didn't say that. I had a wonderful mother-in-law and had a great relationship with her. But some people believe that's what mixed emotions really are. There are other problems with in-laws. Grandparents who block every effort of parents to try to discipline their children. I used to think that was terrible until I became a grandparent. I still think it's wrong for a grandparent to intervene in the discipline and nurturing of children by the parents. But grandparents do have certain rights that parents don't have. That's true. There are lots of problems in families and we all face them from time to time. But let me close on a positive note. God has solutions for family problems. In this passage, God stepped in when Abraham didn't know what to do. Abraham is distressed at the request to send Hagar-ishmi all away. But God steps in and says, here's the solution. Here's the answer. Do what Sarah is suggesting. It fits into my plan. I have a plan that I'm going to accomplish. And then poor Hagar, she is at her wit's end. No more food, no more water, no more ability to provide for her son. She is at the end and she believes he's going to die. God steps in and shows her well of water. I wish I could say that God would miraculously step in every time you need an answer. You're not sure what direction to go or you face a problem. But I will say this, although that may not happen in your experience. God has given us principles and his word to live by. Principles that will give us that guidance, principles that will help us to understand how we should relate as husbands and wives and parents and children. And even in situations where there are irreversible consequences to mistakes that are made, you have a family situation that is difficult at best to control. Well, even in those situations, God will give us strength and enable us to respond in ways that will honor him. The question is, are we willing to listen and to implement his instructions? God has solutions for family problems if we will follow his word. Well, Abraham's family was much like ours. Wasn't it ups and downs? He had some great up times. They were happy times, joyful times, celebrating feast times. And then there were heartbreaking times as well. Up and downs. Some of you tonight are in an up time in your family life. Thank God for it. Enjoy it thoroughly. Some of you are in a down time as regards your family life. It's a very difficult time. It's a very trying time. It's a very heartbreaking time. Trust God to work. Even in that difficult situation, his own purpose and his plan, trust him in the midst of that problem and apply his word to know how to live with wisdom in the midst of what may be a very difficult situation. The ups and downs of family life. Let's pray. Father, I thank you for your word and how applicable and relevant it is to our lives. I thank you, Father, for your grace. While all of us have strains and difficulties and great joys and blessings in our families, we know that we can trust you for whatever we face. We can thank you and rejoice in those good times and we can trust you and seek your wisdom through your word in those difficult times. Lord, I pray for those who, especially tonight, are struggling in their families with situations that may seem unsolvable like Abraham had with Hagar and Ishmael. Lord, I pray that you would give them your peace and give them your wisdom to know what decisions to make and what course to take. I pray, Father, that you would bless us all that we would love and enjoy and thank you for the families you've given us. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.