Hope for Hurting Fathers

Well, maybe the father of the year award should go to professional golfer Phil Nicholson. If you know anything about golf, if you follow golf at all, you know that this weekend is the weekend of the US Open. One of the what's called the four majors, the four most prestigious and most coveted golf tournaments in the world. Well, the US Open is one of those four and Nicholson has decided to forego that US Open. He withdrew from the US Open and here's the reason why. His daughter was graduating from high school Thursday night, the day the tournament started. Now, he waited until he could see whether or not there would be a rain delay on the tournament. Maybe they wouldn't start till Friday, but come Thursday morning when it was clear the tournament was going to go on as scheduled he withdrew. I just to check out, I was looking at this illustration, thinking about using it and wanting to make sure I take my phone on late on Thursday and there at the bottom of the leaderboard Phil Nicholson's name with a WD, right beside it withdrew. You see his daughter Amanda was president of her class and was to give one of the addresses at her graduation. You say, well, any father should do that, right? Any father would do that. That's a no-brainer. That's obviously a no-brainer that he certainly should do that. Well, it becomes a little bit more admirable when you realize that the US Open is the only one of the four majors Phil Nicholson has not won. He's won all the others. He's won almost 50 tournaments and he's career. One of the best golfers to ever play the game, but he's not one to US Open. And to be able to win that would assure him of a career, what's called a career grand slam having won all four majors, something that is extremely rare only a handful of guys have ever done. And to make it even worse, he's finished second in the US Open six times. And so when someone asks you about missing the tournament, he said obviously it's a tournament that I want to win the most, but this is one of those moments where you look back on life and you just don't want to miss it. I'll be really glad that I was there and present for Amanda's graduation. Ironically the last time or the closest he ever came to winning the US Open was in 1999 when his wife Amy was expecting Amanda any moment. And so he wore a pager back in the days of pagers. He wore a pager through the whole golf tournament and assured everyone that if that went off he was going to leave his golf clubs on the course and get as quickly as he could through his wife's side for the birth of their first born daughter 18 years ago. In that tournament he was tied for the lead in the last round coming up to the final hole tied for the tournament to win the tournament. And if you remember anything about golf, one of the most iconic moments in all of golf history was the last shot of that tournament by the late pain Stewart who sank a 20 foot cut to beat Phil Mickelson by one stroke. And as they walked off the 18th green pain Stewart grabbed Mickelson in a big bear hug and said good luck with the baby there's nothing like being a father. Well not every fatherhood story or fatherhood moment is quite so joyful or enjoyable. I want to read for you this morning the parable of the hurting father Jesus told a parable about the hurting father. We know it better as the parable of the prodigal son but that's not the reason it was told. We hope you're viable to look 15 please and follow along as I read the parable of the hurting father. Luke 15 beginning with verse 11. Jesus continued there was a man who had two sons the younger one said to his father father give me my share of the estate so he divided his property between them. Not long after that the younger son got together all he had set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything there was a severe famine in that whole country and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He paused just a moment to say there could be no no greater indignity for a Jewish young man than to contribute to the production and the sale of food which was considered unclean in every Jewish household but there he is verse 18 or 16 excuse me. He longed to fill his stomach with the pots that the pigs were eating but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses he said how many of my father's hired servants have food to spare and here I am starving to death. I will set out and go back to my father and say to him father I have sinned against heaven and against you I am no longer worthy to be called your son make me like one of your hired servants. So he got up and went to his father but while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him he ran to his son through his arms around and kissed him. The son said to him father I have sinned against heaven and against you I am no longer worthy to be called your son but the father said to his servants quick bring the best robe and put it on him bring him bring put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet bring the fattened calf and kill it let's have a feast and celebrate for this son of mine was dead and is alive again he it was lost and is found so they began to celebrate this parable is not often viewed in the way it was intended to be viewed it's often known simply as the parable the prodigal son all the focus goes to the son and certainly there is a beautiful story there about lost and dying sinners far from God who need to be embraced into our heavenly father's arms in mercy and love and forgiveness that's a great story but that's not the reason Jesus told the story if you go back to the beginning of Luke 15 you find that Jesus is being criticized by the Pharisees because he's in the homes of tax collectors and sinners I mean the lowest of society in the eyes of the self-righteous and when they start criticizing him this man eats with tax collectors and sinners when they start criticizing in Jesus tells a three-point parable it's really one parable that has three stories interwoven into it and the whole point of the parable is to demonstrate the loving compassionate outreaching heart of God for lost and dying sinners the parable is to tell us about God not about the son and so the first part of it the lost sheep the shepherd will leave the mighty in nine that are in the fold safely and expand any effort to reach the one lost sheep and will rejoice when it's found that's the picture of God the Father and then the woman who's cleaning out her home and has lost a coin a special precious heirloom given down from her family she will go any extent to turn that home upside down to find that one lost coin and rejoice when it is safely back that's a picture of God the Father and the Father who has to watch his son go far from him not knowing what he will do but expecting the worst and yet when he has reached the lowest and has come back home in true repentance will love him and welcome him and receive him with grace and forgiveness that's a picture of the Father of God the Father and so the whole point of the parable is to focus on the Father not the son so I want us to look at the parable through the eyes of the Father this morning because I'm convinced that just like on Mother's Day there are many mothers who dread Mother's Day either because their mother's died or they feel like maybe they've been a failure or whatever so there are many fathers on Father's Day who come to church hurting thinking oh no I'm going to have to be hearing another message be rating me for what a terrible failure I've been so I want to look at this chapter through the eyes of a hurting Father as God intended us to look at it and I want to offer this morning hope for hurting Father's maybe you're here today and your child has begun dabbling in alcohol or drugs or running with the wrong crowd pursuing the lifestyle that is against everything you've ever hoped they would embrace or has just become rebellious and starting their grades are starting to slip in school and they're starting to fight you about coming to church and they don't want to be here or maybe you have done something to fail your family miserably and there's a barrier between you and and your family your kids you're hurting today this story illustrates how hurting Father's can find hope in the midst of relational pain so if you're right in the middle of relational pain this morning as a Father this story helps you understand how to find hope and that's what I want to offer this morning I want to give hope to hurting Father's how to face life situation what it's thrown at you how to cope how to make it another day with the hurt and the pain that is inside you because you see often women will talk with other women about their pain and most often men will suffer in silence we're not as open to talk about that relational hurts and pains in our heart and so there are probably some fathers here today that are hurting deeply inside you don't have anybody to talk to or you don't take the opportunity to talk to anyone else so I'm going to let God speak to you and talk with you this morning from his word to offer you hope if you're hurting as a Father here this morning the first ray of hope I would like to give you is to recognize the potential for problems he so much and that doesn't sound very hopeful okay I recognize him when I have problems what where's the hope in that well the hope is this this story teaches us that even good parents may have problems with their children you can you can recognize there's the potential for problems no matter how good a parent you have been I believe the father of the prodigal was a godly man did you see what the son said to him or proposed to say it did end up saying in verse 18 he says I will set out and go back to my father and say to him father I have sinned against heaven and against you where did he learn man where did he learn what sin was where did he learn enough about biblical morality and biblical teaching to understand that his lifestyle was sinful where did he learn that he should he should admit his sin where did he learn that his sin would bring this honor to a godly father where did he learn that his sin would bring this honor first of all to God I sinned against God and against you where did he learn all these precious truths I'm sure it was sitting at the feet of his father as a young boy and his father telling him the stories of the Old Testament telling him about a god who loved him and telling him what the lifestyles were sinful and what were pure and holy I'm sure he learned that from his father a godly man his response of compassion and forgiveness indicates the godly character that he has and and then the very fact that God is he's representing God the father Jesus whole purpose is to give a man a picture a story of a man who represents God that indicates he would pick out someone who would represent well our heavenly father so I believe this father was a godly man and yet his son ran from everything he knew to be right and broke his father's heart that's the experience of many dads some of the most godly people I have known through my years of ministry have suffered through the worst parental pain and I've also watched godly young people come out of incredibly dysfunctional homes you can recognize need to recognize the potential for problems there's only been one perfect father who had two perfect children who knew nothing about sin who were placed in a perfect environment in the garden of Eden and they still rebel against their father now I'm not saying by that that rebellion is inevitable but it does happen it does happen I bought a book back in 1989 it's not the only book I bought by the way but I did buy a book back in 1989 it had just been published and it was one of David Jeremiah's first books it was entitled exposing the myths of parenthood I still think it's one of the best books I've ever read on parenting still have it in my library refer to it all the time looked it back up this week to refresh my memory about a story he begins to book with the first he does a 10 myths of parenting that he addresses from a biblical perspective the first myth he addresses is this good parents never have problems with their kids and he shows how that is a myth from the Bible but not only shows from the Bible he very openly and transparently tells his own story he was out making some calls maybe at the hospital I forget in San Diego and he got a call from his secretary that he needed to get back to the office quickly she said our school principal and your daughter are here in my office and his heart sank what has she done what has happened and he could imagine all kinds of things nothing could have prepared him for what he heard when he got back to the office the principal explained to him that his daughter was one of several students who had been caught experimenting and using experimenting with and using cocaine there were going to be expelled from the school it made the headline of the San Diego front page at San Diego paper no name were used but David Jeremiah tells how one of the students expelled was the daughter of a pastor and it didn't take many people knowing what school it was which pastor it was they were devastated obviously but more concerned than for testimony or whatever more concerned about his daughter it's a gripping story of the length of which they went to rescue their daughter and I'm happy to tell you that she did turn her life around and has since that time a couple years after that for some intensive counseling and recovery program has since that time lived her life faithfully for the Lord even the best of parents and I'm convinced that David and Donna Jeremiah are good parents but even the best of parents can have relational pain and difficulty even good parents may have problems with their kids that leads me almost directly to what I believe is one of the most incredible misunderstandings of scripture that floats around especially in parenthood circles what about proverbs 226 what about that verse anyway I've heard that verse used so many times in the past I'm I put it on the screen in the key James because it's the way that most of us know this verse proverbs 226 says train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it that's the way most of us have learned this verse or memorize this verse or use this verse and so we're familiar with that terminology but through the years I've heard this verse used multitudes literally hundreds of times by parents who are having trouble with their kids and say well you know the Bible says train up a child in the way she does when he's old he will not depart from it so even though they made the park from it for a while they'll inevitably come back so I know I trained them right because I had them in church and so I know I did right and so God promises me they'll they'll come they won't the park from they'll come back isn't really what this verse is saying could we look at it a little bit more closely and see what the text is actually saying first of all I would have you note the reference proverbs 226 proverbs this is a proverb not a promise there's a difference in the two a proverb is a particular kind of literature in the ancient world in particular we still use them today but in the ancient world in particular Egyptians did it but Solomon communicated a lot through proverbs a proverb is a general statement from a wise observation of life generally speaking this is what you will see in life there are exceptions this is not a hard and fast promise it's not an iron clad promise from God it's a proverb generally speaking wise parenting produces wise children there are lots of proverbs that have exceptions to them the book of proverbs for instance says that the godly will live long lives and the wicked will die young well generally speaking that is a wise observation on life if you follow the teachings of the Bible you live a godly lifestyle that's going to keep you from some behaviors some associations and some lifestyle voices that will probably serve to extend your life yes that's generally true and if you make those bad choices as far as associations are concerned and behaviors and lifestyles are concerned all those being equal you will shorten your life yes that's true but there are exceptions I've known some really wicked people in their 90s nobody you know I promise but I've known some really wicked people in their 90s and I've known some really godly people that died young and I had no reason to question my judgment on either one so there are exceptions these are not problems these are proverbs the proverbs say that lazy people will end up poor I mean read about them proverbs six go to the ant you sluggered consider its ways and be wise because it has no overseer ruler or king and yet it stores up in the summer what it will need in the winter and so he says if you don't do that you poverty will come on you like an armed band that it sits and then proverbs 24 which talks about walking by the field of the sluggered and the walls are broken down the weeds are growing up in the field because he hasn't been diligent he'll be poor yes all the all else being equal that is a wise observation on life but there are some lazy people that inherit fortunes and end up being wealthy and there are some diligent people hard working people that stay poor all their lives with our exceptions but generally speaking a proverbs is making a wise observation about life so let's first of all get it through our hearts and minds that this is not a modern flat promise with no exceptions this is a proverb a generally wise observation about life but now let's look a little more closely at what it's actually telling us what is the proverb actually describing you see the words train up train up the child that comes from a Hebrew word for the palate or the roof of the mouth and it refers to a a procedure that was carried out by Hebrew midwives when a little baby would be born a Hebrew midwife would dip her finger in some fig juice and rub it on the top the roof of the mouth of the newborn infant to create a sucking instinct so that the baby would more quickly and easily begin to nurse very wise very smart but that's what this is referring to so what does it mean to train up to put something on the roof of the mouth of a child so that they have a thirst for something a desire for something what what this proverb is saying is that if you will create a case a desire cultivate an interest in a child they will pursue that course of life but what is the way he's talking about a child in the way he should go literally the Hebrew is according to his way that is that means you should let the child do whatever they want of course not there are lots of other proverbs and passages of scripture that go against that but according to his way means in line with his bent the way God's made him or her his or her personality their innate interests and desires a wise parent understands the uniqueness of the makeup of each child personality interests in life things they just tend to gravitate toward even as little children a wise parent will pick up on that and not expect first of all all children to be alike and so they will sense the way God has made their child and gives them a thirst cultivate the desire and interest for those things that God has built them for and thus help direct their lives toward the future that's what he's talking about and so if you do that as a wise parent then when they are old and that doesn't mean when they turn 50 and look back on a life of dashed hopes and dreams the word old here is when they come to adulthood when they come to adulthood they will not depart from it so what this passage is actually say it is a wise observation about life that if parents are wise they will recognize the way God has made each of their children uniquely and seek to cultivate the interests that fit the personality and makeup of that child so that as they grow into adulthood they will pursue those things that best fit the way God has made them that's what Crocker's 22 6 is talking about but remember even that is a Crocker it's not an ironclad promise and there may be some short circadian of that process even in some cases but generally speaking a wise parent who senses the way God has built and shaped and made their child if they give them direction in that way we'll see that result in a fulfilling purposeful direction filled life as they enter adulthood that's what Crocker's 22 6 is talking about so that leads me to plead for the need for balance the need for balance as a general principle good parenting produces good results whether it has to do with instruction in the word or discipline or whether it has to do like parable's 22 6 is wise building into a child and directing them in line with how God's made them wise parenting good parenting generally produces good results give them direction give them a hunger along the lines of how God has made them model that for them they will tend to follow God and the way he has built them to live but a child every child has his or her own will and they may along the line somewhere make some choices that go directly in the face of good parenting and so while this proverb is generally true it has exceptions so my point is this that's you're hurting today you're thinking looks like everybody else doing well and I failed recognize the potential for problems that even the best of parents following the best of parenting may have problems with their children every child has his or her own will and they may choose to reject even the best of parenting so is there a little way of hoping that I think so maybe to deliver you from too much guilt and keeping on yourself things that are really not appropriate recognize the potential for problems second way of hope I would give you from this story that Jesus told about the hurting father and that is respond properly to the prodigal now everything I'm going to have to say about this point could be misunderstood and can be abused so let me do everything I can to make this clear there's several things indicated in this story about how to respond properly to the prodigal so for hurting fathers listen up first of all don't bail them out of trouble now listen please listen to what I'm saying don't bail them out of trouble did you notice how in the story when the son made demands on his father that he was going to leave his father letting go now I'm sure he counseled against that I'm sure that he warned his son but when his son had his mind made up here I go his father had to let him go now what I'm going to say here is difficult maybe the most difficult thing for a father to do he let him go he didn't follow him or send anybody to spy on him so he would know what was going on and he could somehow help him out when he got in trouble he didn't bail him out of trouble I mean the boy ended up with no resources left no job except to do that which would be reprehensible to any Jewish boy at any point his father could have stepped in and said I'll rescue you but he didn't he didn't he let him go if he had not done that if he had bailed him out at every bad turn in the boy's life the boy never would have reached the hog pin which was the only place where he could come to be census I know this is hard for some of us to hear but sometimes children need to get to where they are truly at the end of themselves all their efforts have failed all their strategies are exhausted all of their excuses are sped and all of their resources are gone if at any point in that process you have bailed them out in all likelihood you will enable them to go right back to that lifestyle and I know I'm not talking down to anybody I understand this dynamic from my own heart there are times when you have to be willing to leave them in God's hands and not bail them out of trouble because the only way they will ever come back truly repentant truly change is if they have lost everything and get to the very bottom and they're wallowing in some hog pin somewhere and I know I know the fear of every father's heart what is the hog pin going to look like for my child what is it going to look like for them oh I don't want them to be there and you you ache for them to come back but if you try to injure me that and push that you'll just push them back again into their rebellious lifestyle so do like the father of the prodigal did don't bail them out of trouble and it's hard that is hard isn't it that's it's hard to see a child they're jail it's hard to see a child in the hog pin with nothing it's hard to see them making decisions when you know where those decisions are going to leave them and you'd like to rescue them from that sometimes it's the worst thing you can do and he said that let me quickly follow it with this because this message is beginning to sound less and less like a re-apointment let me follow it up with this never give up never give up I love verse 20 of this story after the sun has come to the end of himself and realizes he's got to he's got to get back home verse 20 so he got up and went to his father but while he was still a long way off his father saw him his father saw him now that that speaks volumes to me I don't know I can't say this for sure but I think every father would sense that this father if he's just like us was looking for his son maybe in the evenings he would be sitting on the front porch looking down the road that led up to the house hoping praying no doubt praying that he would see his son again don't ever give up keep loving keep praying so that if your child does genuinely come to the end of themselves and their resources and genuinely repent and turn back to the Lord and their hearts back to you they know there is a welcome awaiting them at home they know that they can come back and the door will be open never give up even though you've not pursued them and you've not bailed them out never give up never give up keep praying and trusting God to work in their hearts and then thirdly be willing to forgive and restore and again this is tricky you can't do this too soon you can't do it too early or it'll blow up on you if if you try to take this step before step number one where they've gotten into the hall pin it's not going to work it's going to end up being counterproductive but if they have truly spent themselves and everything they have and every resource they have available to them and they truly repent and come back to God in their heart to you and be willing to forgive and restore in verse 20 the Father saw him and was filled with compassion for him he ran to his son through his arms around him and kissed him there it is there's that warm welcome loving welcome I receive you with open arms and love in verse 21 the Son said to him and he launches into his speech that he's practiced you know and he's rehearsed all the way home father I've sinned against heaven against you I'm no longer worthy to be called your son and then the father breaks in does not let him finish his speech does not let him even get to the part where he says make me as one of your hard servants rather than that probationary standing his father breaks in and says the father said to his servants quick bring the best robe and put it on him I'm sure his son was tattered with dirty muddy hogs nelling clothes tattered and torn bring the best robe put it on him put a ring on his finger that's the sign of being a son put sandals on his feet servants went sandaless members of the family wore sandals in that day I want him to know he's a member of the family bring the fattened calf and kill it let's have a feast and celebrate for this son of mine dead and his alive again he was lost and is found so they began to celebrate the feast would show that he was fully restored notice there is no silence here there is no distance there's no probationary period not after step one where the child has reached absolute bottom and has genuinely repented when that happens there needs to be a willingness to forgive and to restore this was in the state David made when absolute finally came back absolute who had rebelled against his father when there was an effort made to bring them back together David made him stay away and we had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was dead and his alive again he was lost and is found what the father does is he appeals to his son first of all the basis of love I love you I've always loved you and I've provided everything you need as a demonstration of my love but he also reminds him of grace and forgiveness when a wall center comes home we rejoice we forgive and thus he warns him of self righteousness don't miss this the older brother in the story represents the Pharisees it's the whole reason Jesus told the three parables were the threefold parable to lead up to this pinnacle the real punchline of the parable is you Pharisees who are criticizing me for eating with sinners and tax collectors here you are you're the older son who's always stayed in the temple done the right things felt like you were doing right with God you were his obedient sons and very proud of it and self righteousness in it and so when the rotten scoundrel center renegade comes home and the father welcomes him with love and grace you can't wrap your mind around that because you don't understand love you don't understand grace you don't understand forgiveness yourself righteous Pharisee that is the point of the parable that's the whole reason Jesus told these stories was to drive home that point to the Pharisees a wise father will as this father did very graciously very lovingly in the context of relationship my son help other family members to understand grace forgiveness and the danger of self righteousness that were it not for the grace of God any of us could end up in the whole pin so help other family members cope with the relational pain that has entered your family dad you're the leader you're the leader this is your job to help your family work through this so respond proper to the protocol quickly third rib hope from this story resolved to deal with guilt resolved to deal with guilt this is a huge problem dad you feel like you're a failure or maybe you blame your mate i've seen so many marriages break up over prodigal children because of parents blaming each other not understanding how to deal with guilt it can be overwhelming it can be consuming it can thrive you apart as husband and wife and it can drive you as a dad into a silent seething anger and resentment or a consuming depression resolved to deal with guilt how do you do that first of all honestly deal with mistakes you've made okay own up to if you have made mistakes own up to them and there are plenty of others who have all of us do what was a godly man i mean you might not think it when you read Genesis but you read second Peter too and you find that his righteous soul Peter says was that with the immoral lifestyle of the people inside but he lost his kids because he put his business first the only reason he ever moved down there was because he saw that it would prosper his business he saw the well water plants that would cause his flocks to increase rapidly he lost his kids because of the business first David lost his relationship with his kids because of moral failure Eli the priest lost his relationship with his kids because he was too busy and God's work and didn't even take the time to correct his sons maybe you have failed in some other way maybe you failed by exasperating and imbitering your children by being too harsh and overbearing or maybe the opposite stream you took your hands completely off of them gave them no guidance and so they wondered aimlessly in life with no purpose whatever it is confess and correct it admitted honestly deal with the mistakes you've made paco amadon is a pastor in little village in Chicago little village is on the west side of the city it is a neighborhood rife with gang violence paco amadar tells this story in leadership journal about being invited to lead a prayer visual for a young man who had been gunned down by a rival gang there in little village he says when I arrived at the visual a large crowd of young people including many known gang members had already gathered around the sidewalk where I would be praying I wondered what should I do what should I say I felt fearful and inadequate yet I also knew that they had gathered for this prayer visual so amid my fears I prayed silently Jesus what do you want me to do here as I looked out over the crowd I realized that most of these scary looking gang members were just kids mostly in their mid or late teens with some in their 20s I was old enough to be their father they had surely been told repeatedly by authority figures how wrong their actions were and how foolish gang activity was but as I looked at these hurting teenagers I wondered what would Jesus say to these young people so I asked for mission to speak from my heart then I said since most of you are half my age I am the age of your fathers would you allow me to address you on behalf of your fathers I know you've heard plenty of times that this back and forth violence in our neighborhood is complete nonsense you've been told how destructive gang behavior is but today on behalf of your dance I have want to say to you what should have been said a long time ago my son my daughter would you forgive me for not being there for you when you were little would you forgive me for not being there when you took your first steps would you forgive me for not being there to play catch with you when you were young would you forgive me for leading you when you needed me most as the words poured from my lips I could not control myself tears ran freely down my cheeks to my surprise many of these gang members started the weep with me something special happened in that moment following the gathering they started to trust me and allow me into their world to speak to them he says although I had no credibility in their world I hadn't shared their life but I had shared their pain it makes you wonder if there had been more dads who would have gone to these young men and young women said I was wrong please forgive me maybe their lives would have taken a different course so that's honestly deal with mistakes you've made yes that's the first place to start resolving guilt but secondly keep a balance perspective let me go back to that first point of the message even the best of parents are not perfect we all make mistakes and our children even with the best of our parenting may choose different directions keep a balance perspective here all the kids were asleep when little three-year-old Billy started crying out from his bedroom and his dad ran to Billy's bedroom to see what was wrong Billy told him through the sobs and the tears that he had swallowed a penny somehow he got his hand on a penny and he swallowed it and he thought he was going to die and so his dad thought the only way I can settle down this this little guy is maybe with a slight of hand so he reached into his pocket pulled out a penny and pretended to pull it out of Billy's ear well sure enough Billy calmed down he was amazed by this magic trick and he was looking at his dad his dad showing him the pain there in his hand and before his dad knew what was happening Billy it snatched the penny swallow it again and said do it again so even our best parenting sometimes backfire saw this right all the tricks in the book go back hard when our kids were little the parenting guru of the day was Dr. James Dobson I want to quote from a book he wrote in 1982 he said there's hardly a parent alive who does not have some regrets and painful memories of failures as a mother or father children are infinitely complex and we cannot be perfect parents any more than we can be perfect human beings we don't always handle our children as unemotionally as we wish we had and it's very common to look back a year or two later and see how wrong we were in the way we approached a problem all of us he says experiences experience those failures no one does the job perfectly so please keep a balanced perspective the feeling that you've got to be perfect or you'll permanently scar your child somehow will produce such guilt in you and such pressure that you can't possibly succeed as a parent keep a balanced perspective dads and speaking to dads today so dads you don't deserve all the credit for your kids successes and you don't deserve all the blame for their failures you may deserve some and if there are mistakes you've made you need to correct those as we've talked about deal with them honestly confess them but you don't deserve all the blame either remember every child has his her own will that they will follow and then finally I close with this draw on the support of others remember we need one another guys and I know it's hard to let down the guard and share with other guys but the bible says and it clears you ask these four that if one falls down what was the person who doesn't have someone to pick him up and help him up and he talks about a three three threefold cord is stronger than two so you need someone to help you to listen to you don't suffer in isolation find a brother that you can share your heart and your life with most of all come to the Lord and allow the Lord to heal your hurting heart today come to him the father who loves you best and let him heal your heart let's pray father help us as dads and as just people to learn from the story of the hurting father Lord I pray for hurting dads here today for dads who either because their children have walked away even in spite of their best efforts or because they may have failed and they realize it are suffering today with incredible pain I pray father that you would comfort them encourage them help them to deal with that in a way we've seen this story represent our heavenly father the way he deals with lost and wondering people and what I also pray that if there's anyone here who is lost and wondering far from you far from your love and forgiveness that today they would realize that and come to Christ it's in this name we pray amen