The Ideal Woman

Well, today is Mother's Day and on Mother's Day our hearts often gravitate toward a passage of Scripture in Proverbs, Proverbs 31, a verse, a passage that describes the ideal woman. And we're going to go back to that passage this morning so I encourage you to open your Bible, please, to Proverbs chapter 31, where we find a description of the model, wife, and mother and woman. Now, I know what some of your ladies are thinking. Oh, John, you're going to send us on another guilt trip today by going to Proverbs 31. Are you kidding me? No, I'm not kidding and I don't want to send you on another guilt trip, but it is important that we see what the Bible says about this passage and how to attain the model that is described in this passage. Certainly this passage describes the ideal woman. She is industrious. She is faithful, strong, capable, gracious, domestic, giving, and altogether wise. Ladies, why are you looking at your husbands that way? And guys, some of you need to wipe the smirks off your faces too. It is interesting to me that God did not personify wisdom in the book of Proverbs by applauding the virtues of a man. Throughout Proverbs, he pictures wisdom through the finest qualities of womanhood. You find that in chapter 1, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, and on or on throughout the book, other references to wisdom personified as a woman. In closing this book on wisdom, the writer gives us a flesh and blood example of the ideal woman. So what I want us to do this morning is to glance at the model, the ideal. We're not going to do a full-blown explanation of these verses. I just want to call your attention to the various qualities that are found in this chapter about this woman. And then I want us to see what the Bible says about how to attain that model. As we look at the model, as we understand the ideal, in understanding the ideal, we find that the book of Proverbs, chapter 31, views this woman from four perspectives. There are four perspectives on who she is and what kind of woman and so forth she is. So let's look at those four different perspectives this morning. First of all, the perspective of this woman as a woman. First of all, as a woman, she is diligent. Look with me please at verse 13. Verse 13 says, she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar. Skip down to her 17. She sets about her work vigorously. Her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night. Skip down to verse 27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. All of these verses describe a woman who is diligent, who works hard, who is not a slacker in any sense of the word, a very diligent woman. But she is also described as a woman as being wise. Look at verse 16 if you will please. She considers a field and buys it. Out of her earnings, she plants a vineyard. There's some business sense to this lady. She has wise business acumen about her and is able to determine what's a good buy. What's a good piece of property and how can I make it up money off of this to reinvest and plant some vineyards. There's some real business sense about her as a woman. But also she is described as a woman in verse 25 as being upright. She is clothed, verse 25 says, she is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the days to come. The idea of laughing at the days to come simply indicates that she is not intimidated nor threatened by the future. Because she is a woman who is clothed who literally wears the garments of character about her strength, spiritual strength, dignity, a woman who is worthy of respect, who is worthy of honor. She is a dignified, respectful, godly woman. So she is described first of all as a woman. But then you take another look at her and you find a second perspective of her in this passage as a wife. So as a wife, here's how she's described. First of all, she has the confidence of her husband. Look at verse 11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. He doesn't worry about what the future holds for his household. He has complete confidence that his wife has things covered. That she is a good homemaker, that she is a good wife that will take care of things in the home. So he has full confidence in her. Verse 12, she brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. And so she seeks the good of her husband. And again, that breeds confidence and trust and love in his own heart toward her. Look down at verse 16 and you'll find that she actually contributes to the prosperity of the home. In verse 16, she considers a field, buys it out of her earnings. She plants a vineyard. We saw that just a moment ago. But look down at verses 23 and 24 where it describes again her business sense. Her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies the merchants with sashes. She's got a couple of businesses on the side. She's investing in property. She's making things to sell. She contributes to the welfare of her husband and household. So much so that she contributes to the way the community looks at him. He is held in greater esteem because of her. When people see her, they think well of him. And that's what it means in verse 23 that her husband is respected at the city gate. You see the city gate in Old Testament times was the place where business affairs were taken care of. It was the courtroom of the day. It was where legal affairs were decided. It was the government center of the day. It was where the elders of the town would gather to do business on behalf of the town. And so this man is evidently an elder of the town well respected, involved in leading his community. And this text attributes much of that esteem to his wife. You've heard the expression behind every successful man is a good woman. Well, that's kind of what this passage is saying. She is a blessing to her husband. So she is described as a woman. She is described as a wife. But take another look at her and you see a different perspective. You see her also described as a mother in this passage. As a mother, notice what she does in verses 21 and 22. She clothes her family wisely. When it snows, she has no fear for her household. For all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed. She is clothed in fine linen and purple. She makes sure that her family is ready for whatever weather there may be in the winter. They are properly clothed. And every season of the year they are outfitted in such a way that cares for their needs. She is very careful to provide the proper clothing for her family. She clothes them wisely. But she also feeds her family wisely. Look back at her 14. She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar. The idea is that she is willing to take pains. It is not necessarily that she goes to France to buy her food. But she is willing to take pains to put forth the extra effort it takes to get the best food for the best value and provide well for her family. She treats it like a government operation of sending merchant ships out to make sure that the kingdom is supplied well. That is the way she feels about her household. Verse 15 says, she gets up while it is still night. She provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. In a day when preparing a meal was labor intensive. Where there were no fast food restaurants or processed foods or frozen foods that you could just throw in the microwave. In a day when food preparation was labor intensive. She got up before everybody else did and got to work. She had gone to the market. She had purchased the food for the day. She was making bread. She was taking care of her family that way. She is a very industrious mother and that she feeds her family wisely. And then she also has a mother shops. I could stop right there and please all of you women couldn't I? She shops sensibly. Sincerely. Look at verse 14. Again, she is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar and then skip down a few wheels of verse 18. She sees that her trading is profitable and her lamp does not go out at night. Again, when she chooses what she is going to use to provide for her family, she gives careful thought to it. She will go to wherever she needs to go to purchase wisely and sensibly provide for her family. She is described as a good mother. But then look at her again and you find a fourth perspective on this ideal woman. She is described not only as a woman, a wife and a mother but also as a neighbor and friend. She is concerned about people beyond her own family. Look at verse 20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. Here is a woman who is not just concerned about her own household, her husband, her kids, but she looks out beyond her own household to her neighbors, to people in her community who have needs. And she opens her heart, she opens her provision, she opens her home and takes care of the needy and the poor. She has a heart for those who have needs. And so her care and her protection and provision go beyond just her own family to those around her who may have needs. And then down in verse 26 as a neighbor and friend, she is a good counselor. Verse 26. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. As a friend, she speaks wisely. People know they can come to her for advice or for counselor just for someone to listen and provide comfort and encouragement because she has the kind of speech that is wise. She has the kind of instruction that is faithful. This is a wonderful woman. This is an ideal picture of a godly woman and wife and mother and neighbor and friend. What a great picture this is. But this is the ideal. So understanding the ideal, I want us to turn out to have to attain the ideal. How do you measure out to a passage like this? And this is where the difficulty comes in because you look at this kind of description and every woman who is being honest is shaking her head saying, there's no way. No way I measure up to all of that. So in attaining the ideal, I think we need to start with a reality check. Does she really exist? Does this woman really exist? Or is this just an ideal? I know what many of you ladies are thinking right about now. As you hear this description, there's nothing wrong with this woman. I mean, doesn't she ever kill her vines by watering them too much? Doesn't she ever get mad at her husband? Doesn't she sew the sleeves on wrong when she's making her kids clothes? Does she ever do that? Does she ever get tired of cooking and say, thank god for five dollar pizzas? Does she ever do that? Do her children always rise up and call her blessed? Like verse 28 says, I mean, every day, really? Does she ever do anything wrong? Can she even relate to the hurried lifestyle in a radically different culture with different expectations that we live in today? Can she even understand where we live today? This passage really just designed to provide more guilt for already guilt-ridden moms. And you probably are asking, where's chapter 32 that describes the virtuous man? Why didn't we get that one too? So with all of that, which no doubt, every woman in this room has thought at some point or another in listening to another message on Proverbs 31. With all of that in mind, let's talk about how do I attain this ideal? I mean, this is scripture, this is the ideal, this is God's ideal woman. So how do you attain that ideal? Quite frankly, the ideal often sounds more like the guy's piece that I read here some time ago, who wrote a little piece called What My Mother Taught Me. And what he was doing was he was remembering some of the sayings that he used to hear his mother repeat time and time again in the household. And so he wrote this little piece called What My Mother Taught Me. He took each of those little sayings and said, my mother taught me something through that saying. Here it is. What my mother taught me? My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done. If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning. My mother taught me about prayer. You better pray that will come out of the carpet. My mother taught me about time travel. If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week. My mother taught me logic because I said so. That's why. My mother taught me foresight. Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident. This guy wrote, my mother taught me irony. Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. I love this one. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis. Keep your mouth closed and eat your supper. Now just think about that one for a little while. You'll get it this afternoon. My mother taught me about contortionism. Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck? My mother taught me about stamina. You'll sit there till everybody to that spinach is gone. Some of you may remember some sayings of your mom and some things they taught you. That really, for a lot of people, sounds more like reality than what we've just read in Proverbs 31. If Proverbs 31 is the ideal, how do you get there? How do you attain this as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, as a neighbor and friend? How do you attain this ideal? I want to share with you this morning five realities that will help attain that ideal. The first of which is this. The ideal is a process of growth. It is a process of growth. As everything else in our lives as believers is, this is also a process of growth. Second Peter, chapter 3 verse 18. It will be on the screen for you. Peter says, but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be glory both now and forever, amen. So it ends his book with a challenge to grow to be more like Jesus, to grow in His grace of character and to grow in knowledge of Him. Not just head knowledge, but knowledge that renews the mind, that changes the way you think about life and thus the way you live life. All of the Christian life is a process of growth. That's how the Bible deals with everything about us. The Bible deals in hope, the Bible deals in ideals that are set before us, that we aim for. A goal that we shoot for. The Scriptures deal in that constantly. The Bible talks to us about what the church should be. We don't always measure up to that. But we see the goal. We see the ideal. And our job is to strive to continue to pursue that ideal. We've seen in 1 Timothy 3 in the series we've been in on Sunday mornings that the Bible gives qualifications for pastors and deacons. We don't always measure up perfectly to those ideals, to those qualifications. But that's the standard, that's the ideal, that's the goal that's set before us, that's what we're to aim for constantly. And so the Bible constantly deals in this concept of the ideal. In fact, the ideal of the whole Christian life is Christ Himself. And so that's why the Bible says in Romans 8 that we know that all things work together for good to them who are the call according to his purpose, to them that love God who are the call according to his purpose. And it's not just called according to his purpose. It's he works all things together according to his purpose. In verse 29 tells us what his purpose is for whom he did 4 and 0. Then he also did predestinate or mark out ahead of time. What to be conformed to the image of his son that he might be the first born among many brethren. People who look and act and think and talk just like he does. God's whole purpose for us is to grow up into Christ. That's the way Paul says in Colossians or Ephesians that we grow up into Him. He's the mold, he's the standard, he's the model, he is our aim. And everything in the Christian life is about God working in us, all things together for good so that we might become more like His Son Jesus. The whole Christian life is a process of growth. And so this ideal that is put before women is the ideal toward which you should be growing every day that you live. No, nobody reaches it perfectly. Nobody is a perfect Proverbs 31 woman, but you should be growing toward that goal, that aim every day that you live. So this ideal is a process of growth, but secondly it is also the product of grace. As everything else in the Christian life, attaining this goal, reaching this ideal is the product of God's grace. I love what Paul says in Romans chapter 5 as he's dealing with our relationship to sin as believers. He says the law was brought in so that the trespass might increase, but where sin increased, in other words where sin shows us, or where the law shows us so deeply and so glaringly that we are sinners, we don't measure up to the standard where sin increased grace increased all the more. So that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reigned through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Sin is offset by grace. Sin is overcome by grace. Sin is dealt with by grace. Our failure to meet the standards of a holy and righteous God are met by his grace. You see that describes the whole human race. We all are sinners. We all fall short of the standard required to get into heaven, which is the very glory perfection of God. We all fall short of that standard. None of us can attain that ideal. And it requires the grace of God that God loves us so much that he freely gave his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, to pay the penalty for our sin. That's grace. God knowing that we could not attain heaven on our own. We could never reach the ideal provides the way of victory over sin through his grace. And when you trust Jesus as your Savior, God looks at you through the eyes of grace as being perfectly righteous in his son. And then all of the Christian life from that time on is the process of accepting and living in his grace to further in your own practice and your own lifestyle further attained that ideal of being like Christ. So it's all the product of grace. God's grace in our salvation covers our sin and then moves us through sanctification closer to the ideal as we grow in grace, we get closer to what he wants us to be. So take that theological concept and apply it to Proverbs 31 and the ideal woman approaching that ideal attaining that goal is also like everything else in the Christian life, the product of grace. Yes, yes, you fail. And so do we guys at being godly men and fathers and husbands. Yes, you fail. But God in his grace provides forgiveness and the new day, the opportunity to continue to grow toward the goal of being the ideal woman. He sees us through the eyes of grace, learn to see yourself through the eyes of grace. Do not let your failures stop you, destroy you, cause you to abandon the effort to be more like Jesus. Let your failure drive you to the feet of Jesus for his grace to forgive, to cleanse, to enable, to strengthen, to take another step toward the ideal tomorrow, the product of grace. But there's something else that enters into in God's good providence that enters into this whole picture of how we attain the ideal of the ideal woman. And that is the partnership of a groom. Not everybody in this room, not every woman in this room is married. And so you're going to think, I can tune out for a few minutes. We'll just hang on. There's more in the message for you, but I am speaking now, especially to married couples because God has designed marriage to be a partnership. And that partnership is designed to help each other grow toward the goal that God has set for us. So for a woman to reach that goal of being a proverbs 31 woman, the partnership of a groom is an important part of the process. Paul says as much in Ephesians chapter 5, look at these two verses. He says in this same way, after talking about how Christ loved the church, he says in this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church. Now that can be a confusing passage. He says we're to love Christ as we as our own bodies. And don't get the wrong idea there. It's not that you know you stand in front of the mirror admiring your physique and all of that. You know, I might have been able to do that 40 years ago, but that has long passed. So it's not talking about I love my body so much that I think I can love my wife that much too. He doesn't say love your wife as much as you love your body. He says love your wife as your body. In other words, there should be a natural instinct that you have for your own body. And that natural instinct to feed and care for your own body is really what he's talking about here. That's the context in which he says no one ever hated his own body. Obviously there's some exceptions to that with people who have some stability issues and so forth. But all of the things being equal, we have a natural instinct to feed and care for our bodies. We're hungry. We want to take care of that when we have a physical need, an injury, an illness. We want to take care of that. We have a natural instinct to feed and care for our bodies. And what Paul is saying is that as husbands, our natural instinct ought to be to nourish and to provide for our wives. Together we grow more to be like Christ and she in turn can grow more to be like that ideal woman. Interesting choice of words to love or to feed and care for the word feed means literally to nourish to be able to provide the opportunity for growth to maturity. So in a marriage, how that works is you nourish the soil of your marriage in such a way that your wife can grow and flourish. She's not beaten down by harsh words, demeaning spirits and attitudes that strip her of her self esteem. The ground of your marriage is nourished in such a way that she can flourish and grow. That's what the daddy of feeding your wife means. And then caring for her is a warm and tender word. I still like the King James word, cherish, cherish. The word literally means to keep warm and comfort to provide the kind of love and compassion and tender care that will enable your wife to feed. So you see where the partnership of a groom comes in, you see the part men that we play in helping our wives reach that ideal. It's to provide the nourishing soil of a growing and godly and loving marriage, the tender care that responds instinctively like we would to take care of an injury of our own that it responds instinctively to take care of our wives and to love them and provide for the good. And that's the partnership of a groom and that's part of what it takes in a marriage to attain that ideal. But there's a fourth reality that is necessary to attain that ideal. It is the pursuit of godliness. We look at this verse a few weeks ago in first Timothy, let's revisit it first Timothy for eight, which says for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. Now you could substitute a lot of things that mothers do for the physical training in the first part of the verse. There are a lot of things that you mothers do that are good and they are a value, but they cannot even begin to approach the value of godliness. So you can fill in the blank there in place of physical training. You might say cleaning house is of some value and it is ladies, please start don't start doing that. Cleaning house is of some value, but godliness is of much greater value. Washing dishes is of some value, but godliness is of much greater value. Washing and ironing clothes is of some value, but godliness is of most value, pursuing hobbies that will enrich the life of your family may be even take care of some needs in the family is a wonderful thing. That's of some value, but godliness has the greatest impact on your family. Nothing else can come close to the impact of godliness on your family. A few years ago I cut an article out of a focus on the family magazine, a woman writing about this very thing. Maybe it helps to hear this from another lady rather than a preacher up here. Here's what she wrote, she said, I am a super mom and I run my home like a CEO manages a corporation, but the truth is I stress out my husband and my children. I've been able to keep all the plates spinning, but I'm tired. I'm not sure it's worth it. I am realizing that my soul has been empty for a very long time. There was no particular reason that my soul fell asleep, and yet there was every reason I had lived most of my life, she says, as a spiritually enthusiastic woman who desired the holiness and passion of god. And then I had four children in seven years. Four amazing blessings, four people I adore, four inquisitive, needy little squirts who want hot meals, clean clothes and answers to a million questions every day. Not necessarily earth shattering questions, but ones like, will you braid my hair? Can I have a snack? Who took my crayons? Where are my shoes? Can Haley spend the night? Can Tyler spend the night? What's for dinner? How do you spell February? Do I have to wear a coat? Can I have another snack? Anyway, in the midst of unloading the dishwasher, matching 100 white socks every week and giving more explanations than required by legal counsel in a deposition, my soul fell fast asleep. It happened so slowly that I didn't even know I had been tranquilized by the joys and the monotony of motherhood. I had been mistaken. I thought that the goal of motherhood was to be a supermom, but in fact, the goal of mothering is to be a woman of god to your children. A woman of god is intimately connected to her savior. A woman of god can love and give freely from the overflowing cup that god has filled. And so she writes, dear mom, my sister in the pursuit of quick meals and clean laundry, my co-laborer in raising good kids who grow up to love Jesus, let us not become weary or distracted in the care of our souls. This is the one thing that really matters. Wake up and rub the sleep from your eyes. We will not know the life god has intended for us apart from a passionate pursuit of Christ. We function poorly apart from his power, let him bring the patience that you lack, let him carry what you struggle to bear, let him fashion you into a mother of virtue. Well said, the pursuit of godliness is the greatest thing you can do for your children. But there's one other reality that helps to attain that ideal, Proverbs 31 womanhood. And that is the priority of love. The priority of love, the focus on love. You know the love chapter, don't you? You remember how it begins? First Corinthians 13, look at it again. If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol, just making a lot of noise if it's not communicated with love. If I have the gift of prophecy and confad them all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Then you may recall how the passage goes on to describe 15 qualities of love. Love is, love is about 15 qualities of love. And then it describes the primacy of love by saying all of the things will pass away. And the only thing that will remain is faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love. One mother paraphrased, first Corinthians 13 this way, if I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper, not a homemaker. If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements but have not love, my children learn cleanliness, not godliness. Listen to this description of love. Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh. Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window. Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk. Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys. Love is present through the trials. Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive. Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood. Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart. Before I became a mother, I took glory in my house of perfection. Now I glory in God's perfection of my child. As a mother, there is much I must teach my child that the greatest of all is love. Ladies, there are all sorts of models that are presented for you to follow today. The glamorous woman, the self-assertive woman, the career woman, the supermom, the talented woman who knows how to do everything. But the ideal woman, the proverbs 31 woman, this role model is the most worthy to pursue. This biblical role model is the most worthy to aspire to. It is the most worthy to aim for. It really is. One of my favorite contemporary Christian artists is Natalie Grant. She's put out some great music, but she has a great story as well. She and her husband were unable to conceive and through some medical procedures, then had twins. And then about a year or two after those twins, God surprised them with a little girl, a third girl that she says came roaring into this world and hasn't stopped roaring since. She writes a song, she co-authored a song back in 2013 with Nicole Nordiman and her husband Bernie Helms. The song called When I Leave the Room, it was recorded on her 2013 project Hurricane. It's a personal song. I've heard her tell the story about it. It's a song about her own life and how she fails as a mom sometimes, but she loves those little girls. And she wants more than anything else to leave with them, Jesus, and to pattern Jesus to them, but she really tells it a lot better than I do. So let's listen to her sing when I leave the room. Good night. Looks like we made it through the day. The moon's eyes. And I know that we're okay. Sleep tight. I love to watch you drift away. I would come with you, but on my knees I'll stay. Good night. Five little fingers, holes in mine, take flight into your dreams and love lives. There's nothing more that I can do that just while I'm in love with you. And ask the angel on these two stand by when I leave the room. I'm going to fill you. I already had 10,000 times. I will fall down. You have a seat in the front row of everything. I don't know. And all I'm trying to do, you'll see. Good night. There will be storms that we come through in time. We will play dragons, me and you. I'll always want to hold you tight. Keep your sails all my mind. So I will lift Jesus next to you when I leave the room. And you will run ahead as if you know the way. And I will pray more than one should have to pray. There will be words we can't take back silence. And I'll be on my knees. You'll see. One night when I am old and unsteady. You want me to fight. But I'll tell you that I'm ready. When there's nothing left to do, I will still be loving you. Then your fold your fingers into my palm. And I will let Jesus hold you tight when I leave the room. And mothers, grandmothers, when you put that child to bed the night you pray with them. Hold their hand as they drift off to sleep. And then you've got to leave the room. Please don't ever forget there will be a time when you will leave the room for the last time. And don't ever forget that the best thing you can leave your child is the knowledge of Jesus and the passion to grow to be like him. Let's pray together.