A Portrait of Dad

In the last two to three decades, society has mounted them all out assault on masculinity. Our recent gender confusion in our society is just the latest and most blatant attack in that assault on biblical masculinity. It was interested to be reminded this week of a quote from a 1980 book 36 years ago from a man who was writing at that time as a futurist. He was a man who was writing about the future of society. And in 1980, listen to these prophetic words from Alvin Toffler in his book The Third Wave. He says, the role system that that held industrial civilization together is in crisis. This we see most dramatically in the struggle to redefine sex roles. In the women's movement in the demands for the legalization of homosexuality in the spread of unisex passions, we see a continual blurring of traditional expectations for the sexes. He said that 36 years ago. And although some of his descriptions are somewhat dated, it was prophetic to say the least that he would see what we're experiencing today in our culture with the blurring of gender distinctions. Now what he calls the role system that held industrial civilization together and traditional expectations for the sexes we would call biblical distinctions. The Bible says that God created mankind, created man male and female, very specific gender distinctions at the beginning of man's history on this earth. So with the blurring of genders today, no wonder there's chaos and confusion in families in home and in society large. But that very confusion has resulted in many men being thrown into confusion about where we fit. We're having an identity crisis in these days. At least some seem to be. I just came from the left coast. On our way back from Japan, we spent three days with our daughter missing and it is indeed a liberal area. I mean you could just see in the culture at large, just walk the streets of Eugene, Oregon, where the University of Oregon is and you could see it's not like Princeton, West Virginia. That's for sure. It is very, very liberal and you could just see the confusion and the blurring of gender distinctions all around you and the search for identity. I would like to describe for you in more detail some of the things that I actually saw. We are in need today of a return to biblical view of masculinity. I'm not talking about some half-crazed Rambo type. Not talking about a guy who's always looking for a fight, walking with a swagger, never apologizing and staring you down with a make-my-day look. Not talking about that. In fact, I'm not even talking about any Hollywood stereotypes of masculinity or even any sports arena stereotypes of masculinity. I'm not talking about that today because even that blurs what the Bible teaches. I'm talking about a return to a biblical view of masculinity. I'm so thankful that in my years of growing up and I know my sister Jan would say the same thing. We never had to look to the silver screen or to the sports arena for a model of what biblical masculinity was like. We had to look no further than the four walls of our home because our dad was a model Christian man and father. And we have such a man described for us in Paul's letter to the Thessalonians. I invite your attention this morning to First Thessalonians chapter 2. Paul is actually describing his ministry to the Thessalonians but he does so in words that that compares it to a father and how a father deals gently with his children. And so in this passage of scripture in First Thessalonians 2 we are given a portrait of biblical masculinity in Paul's ministry. As he describes his ministry, he describes for us what a biblical man looks like and what a godly man looks like. What a father and a dad and a granddad should look like. He combines in this passage, if we were to go back further, the best qualities of both a mother and a father. But beginning in verse 8 he's talking about the qualities of a father and how a father should lead his family which is represented in the way he related his ministry to the Thessalonian people. What we have here in this description is some hints for being a good father and for being a godly biblical man. And so I want to call our attention back to refocus us on what it means to be a man, biblically. What it means to be a dad or father, grandfather. What it means to be a man, biblically. There are five characteristics of biblical manhood. First of all and it may sound a little out of place if you're used to the Hollywood stereotype. The first characteristic is a strong affection. A strong affection. Look at verse 8 if you will. Paul says, we loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well because you had become so dear to us. You see that expression at the very beginning of the verse, we loved you so much. Of course you know that the New Testament was actually written in the Greek language and the word that Paul chose which is rendered in our English versions, we loved you so much. This is the only time Paul used that word. Only time it used in the whole New Testament. It's a very strong word. It's a word which means to feel drawn to something or to someone. There's intensity in this word. That's why it's translated. We loved you so much but it's a term of endearment. It really is a picture taken from the nursery, taken of a father with his newborn child. It is both masculine and tender at the same time. It's the picture of a father who is holding his little baby, a newborn baby so tenderly. I'll never forget that 40 years ago when our first daughter was born and I'll never forget in that hospital in Pinehurst, North Carolina holding her in my arms and that awesome responsibility that swept over me. First thing I thought was I'm gonna drop her and she's so delicate and little and but my second thought was this is this is my child. This is my daughter and there was such a tenderness and an overwhelming feeling of love carried with it an awesome responsibility that just swept over me. Every mom and every dad knows what I'm talking about. There's nothing like that awakening, that sense of tender responsibility and love, that strong affection. But what often happens with so many of us in our families is that the years pass, the work increases, the pressures mount, the demands and deadlines grab more of our time, our children are growing up so quickly it seems and we don't hold them in our arms any longer. I'm so glad to hear Al talking about holding his daughter and son in his arms, just holding them close even as adults. Our kids need a strong affection from us as dads. That picture of masculinity that is the toughest exterior that won't let anybody close that will not reach out in love is not a biblical picture. So forget that picture if you've gotten that from wherever that is not a biblical picture. A biblical picture of a real man is a man who has a strong affection for his children, for his family and he's not afraid to show it. I was thinking the other evening the other night Friday night on the plane on the way home as I was studying this message some I was thinking about the picture of the prodigal son and the father as the prodigal son returns home. How does the father greet him? As wickedly as he has lived, as much as he has done, how does the father greet him with lectures about his past, with condemnation about his sin, with demands that he join him in the synagogue, this Saturday or else? No, he welcomes him with open arms. He opens his arms to him and draws him close and the first thing he wants his repentant son to see is his love is tender and strong affection. It is imperative men that we show affection for our children, that we affirm who they are, that we appreciate what they do and that we show it. Don't hold back. Don't hold your affection away from your kids because you think somehow that's not manly. The first quality of biblical manhood and fatherhood is a strong affection. I love the story of Bill Havens. Bill Havens was in 1924, one of America's best rowers, and he was destined to win some medals in the 1924 Paris Olympics, was favored to win three medals, probably three gold medals in the Olympic Games. But a few months before the Olympics were to start, he realized that his wife was due to deliver their firstborn child during the time he would be away. You see, in that day it took two weeks to travel by boat to Europe and he would be there two weeks and then he would be coming back for two weeks, he'd be gone six weeks, and he knew the time frame, the window for the birth of his firstborn child would be during the time he would be gone, so he made the toughest decision of his life. He decided to let someone else replace him on the rowing team. He would not leave his wife, he would not miss the birth of his first child, he forfeited his spot to another, but he couldn't help but wonder during those weeks how he would have done what medals he would have brought home, and then 28 years later he received the telegram. 28 years later in 1952 he received the telegram from his son who had just won a gold medal in the 10,000-meter canoeing final at the Olympics in Helsinki, Finland. Here's what the telegram said, dear dad, thanks for waiting around for me to be born. I'm coming home with the gold medal you should have won your loving son, Frank, and in that moment if you had not seen it before Bill Haven surely knew he made the right choice to be there to hold his son when his son was born, to be there to show that strong affection of a father, the tender affection of a dad. Men, God calls us to a strong affection for our children and our grandchildren, but that's not all biblical manhood and fatherhood holds for us. Paul also says that a real man lives a transparent life. Look at it in verse 8, he says, we loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our lives as well because you had become severe to us. Notice he said, we gave you our lives and in the picture of a father with his family, with his children. What Paul is saying is that we should give our lives, we should give ourselves, we should live a transparent life before our children. Is it good to give them the gospel? Is the gospel important? By all means, yes. Is the gospel alone enough for them? By all means, no. Paul says, we gave you the gospel, yes, but not only that, we also gave you our lives. It's great to give our families, our children, the gospel and see them come to know Christ. What a privilege that is. But they also need to see our lives. We also need to share our hearts to honestly open up our soul and to share our lives with our families. So share openly your values, your beliefs, what the Bible teaches is important. Open up your heart to them about how to make decisions, share with them about how you've learned to make decisions in life, how you've learned to consult God's will and seek His wisdom and guidance. Share openly how to handle your finances, assure them of your approval, open up your heart to them, open up your life to them, share with them a good sense of humor. Honestly, admit your struggles and failures. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. None of us are. None of us will be fully the model man or father until we get to heaven and we see Jesus. So a part of being transparent and being open with our lives is being willing to admit that we are weak sometimes. We fail sometimes and ask forgiveness. There is great security in a home for a child when you are vulnerable, when your life is open and transparent. They need to see that you're real. They need to see that you don't expect perfection because you yourself haven't mastered it yet. And so when you're wrong, you're willing to ask forgiveness, you're willing to admit it. That will not cause your children to lose respect. They will more likely lose respect. If you're always right in your own eyes, they know when you're wrong. They know when you've blown it. They know when you've failed. They're smart enough to see that and they will end up seeing you as a hypocrite. If you never are humbly willing to admit it, seek God's forgiveness, even seek your families forgiveness. Be real about your Christian life. Be real about your life. Open up your heart. Invest your life into your children, into your family. That's a transparent life. Paul says, we shared the gospel with you. Yes, but we also shared our lives. We opened up our souls to you. Transparent life. There's a third quality, however, of biblical manhood and fatherhood and it's a responsible diligence, a responsible diligence. Look at verse 9. Paul says, surely you remember brothers, our toil and hardship. We worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. And what's he talking about here? Paul is talking about the fact that when he went out as a missionary to take the gospel to new places, he did not want right off the bat start taking off from the Thessalonians or the Corinthians or whoever. And look like all the other religions of that day which were fleecing the people to get as much as they could get. Paul said, I don't want to look like I'm charging for the gospel, especially taking the gospel into new areas. He describes this morphole in 1 Corinthians 9. So he says, I worked. And he did. He worked a job of making tents. And so in order to do that and still do the work of the ministry, he was working day and night. And that's what he's referring to here. Now in 1 Corinthians 9, he tells the Corinthians because they questioned him on that. He says, I have every right to live off of the ministry and he quotes the Old Testament. That was an Old Testament practice. He says, I have every right to do that. And I'm not saying everybody else needs to do what I'm doing. But I don't want people to misunderstand. I don't want them to think I'm charging for the gospel. And so since I'm taking the gospel into new areas, no offerings. I'll work to make ends meet. By the way, that's why we support missionaries. That's why when we send missionaries out, we do not expect them to work another job on the field to support themselves. We will support them as they give themselves fully to the ministry of winning people to Christ and establishing churches without looking like the gospel is for sale. They're not trying to charge people for the gospel. That's what Paul's talking about here. But kind of in a side door way, he tells us that a model, not only of ministry, but also of manhood and fatherhood is a responsible diligence. Paul was hardworking. Paul was responsible. Paul was diligent. If you had a dad that modeled hard work, be grateful. Be grateful. We need those kind of men today. Balance, of course, with appropriate time for the family. I'm not talking about someone who is a workaholic and never sees his or her family. Never spends any time with the family. I'm not talking about that. But I'm talking about a diligent hard worker who is responsible with his time. That is an invaluable lesson for children to learn. I love the book of Proverbs. Proverbs is really Solomon's wise counsel to his son. He addresses the book to his son in the first nine chapters of the book. And much of the book is basically teaching how to live life and what life is all about. And the Solomon had a whole boatload of problems. No question about that. But he had wisdom. He was the wisest man on earth. And so he knew what it was to live life. He knew what it meant to live life from God's perspective. And so he's sharing that with his son. And the lessons of the book of Proverbs are lessons about how to do life. A real theme of that book. There are lots of themes that come through that book. And to bio it's a great model for dads. But one of the things that that book is hard work. Let me just give you a sampling of verses from Proverbs where Solomon is teaching his son about hard work. They'll be on the screen. Chapter 10 verses 4 and 5. Lazy hands make for poverty. But diligent hands bring wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son. But he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son. You see he's talking to his son about what it means to work hard. When harvest comes you better be out there making hay while the sun shines. You better be out there getting in the harvest. If you're not diligent, if you're not responsible, the work will not get done. Chapter 12 verse 24. He says, diligent hands will rule. But laziness ends in forced labor. Chapter 20 verse 4. Sluggards do not plow in season. So at harvest time they look but find nothing. This is the real picture-esque way of teaching a lesson. A sluggered, a lazy person. Doesn't plow the ground in planting time. Doesn't do the work that's needed to get the crop in the ground. So when harvest comes you look around there's nothing. Well what do you expect? You didn't do the work ahead of time to make sure you enjoyed the fruits of your labor. And then look at this very picture-esque expression in chapter 24 verses 30 to 34. Solomon warns, I went past the field of a sluggard. Past the vineyard of someone who has no sense. Thorns had come up everywhere. The ground was covered with weeds and the stone wall was in ruins. I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding the hands to rest, and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcely like an armed man. He says, if you have a field son, if you're going to grow crops make sure it's weeded. If you're going to build the fence of Old Testament times around your field which was a pile of rocks, stone wall, make sure you maintain it. If you're going to do something, apply yourself to it. Be diligent. Do it well. Do it right. That's a model that we fathers need to present to our children. We need to help them see what it means to be diligent and to work hard. I'm so grateful that we had a father who modeled that for us. My dad worked a very demanding job. Some of you remember him. He worked for the railroad back in the day when the railroad owned you. It's difficult today but not like it was then. He had a very responsible, pretty high position in the railroad. He worked six days a week, 12 hours a day, Monday through Saturday. And on Sunday before we would come to church on Sunday morning he'd go in for a couple hours to make sure the railroad is still running and the trains were where they should be and then we'd load up and come to church. The only time off he had in the week was on Sunday afternoon. We were in church against Sunday night. We were in church on Wednesday night. We had that little window of time. He worked hard. He was very diligent but he was also responsible. One of the things I remember about him was not just the hard work but the fact that on Sunday afternoon he would often go out in the front yard with me or the side yard and he would be the catcher with the catcher's mitt. I would be the pitcher working on my curve ball and we would play baseball there in front yard or he would get a football and he would toss the passes over the edge of the houses. I would go into the side yard and we would play football. I will never forget those times. I never appreciated until I was an adult and I realized that he only had that small window of time to rest but he made sure he gave that time to us as kids and remember Jan vacation time was really time with mom and dad. We just went to Myrtle Beach and just hung out and had time with mom and dad. It was great. My dad had a great balance. He had to work hard and he showed us a great model of that but he also was responsible to his family. Dad's help your children discover what it means to be diligent and work hard. Wise is the father who doesn't just give his children everything. There's a place for gifts certainly but Wise is the father who doesn't just drop everything in a child's lap but who makes them work for some things who teaches them the value of hard work. Sometimes and it's so true in this culture today we lavish so much on our children that they don't have to work for that they become self-indulgent and feel like life owes them. We have a generation of college students today who are so enamored with a politician who's leading towards socialism who wants the government to give us everything. Why? Because that's what we're used to in this day. We're not used to working for anything and realizing the value of it and being responsible we need to teach our children that man. We need to teach them that yes there is value in working hard and waiting saving your money until you're able to get something and learn the value of it and the fruit of hard work. A responsible diligence, Paul modeled to the Thessalonians and he models for us today as fathers but there's a fourth quality of biblical masculinity. It's a spiritual authenticity. I mean being a real spiritual leader. Notice how Paul describes it in verses 9 and 10. At the end of verse 9 he talks about preaching the gospel of God to you but then in verse 10 he says you are witnesses and so is God of how holy righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. Notice that balance. Preach the gospel. I talked. I shared with you the words of the message but I also lived it out. I lived a holy lifestyle, a righteous and blameless lifestyle while we were among you. So Paul balanced both what he said and the way he lived. There was a spiritual reality about him and authenticity about him that was not true in so many. Listen man, our families today need fathers who are the spiritual leaders in our homes so often that role is delegated to mom and if there's no one else to do it thank God for women who will but our families need men to lead the home spiritually. Our children need to see a dad who doesn't just talk they need to see someone who will share the biblical truth of the gospel and other biblical principles with them. Yes they need to see that but they also need to see a dad who's really hungry and thirsting for righteousness who really desires to be like Christ they need to see a dad who's digging in the word they need to see a dad who's setting the example in church attendance and the example in serving God so that church doesn't become just a women's club but it's a place for real men it's a place for men who want to be like Christ for men who want to serve God they need to see that in us they need to see the biblical principles lived out not just talked about they need to see Jesus in us. I have for so many years they've been doing music for over 20 years now but I've loved Phillips Craig and Dean in 1994 they came out with their second project which was entitled Lifeline and on that project was a song that I've never gotten tired of it's called I want to be like you and it's a song about a dad who has a little boy let's just listen to them sing it okay you didn't can I took him in bed and I kissed him good night Cliffed in over the toilet at 10 am At the night, he whispered prayer Someday you'll see He's got a father and a cow Cause he's seen Jesus and me So what I'm gonna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me Gonna be a holy animal For here's hell is the night to see Tell me if even live by the Lord That my little boy can be Gonna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me Just you admit I got so hard to go Makes no man in my six And I'm sure that you know Time to say no matter how hard I try With all the pressures and life I just can't get it all right But I'm trying so hard to learn from the best The invasion can feel your tenderness Cause I know that you learn from the things that you see And the Jesus they find Will be the Jesus they're me So what I'm gonna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me Gonna be a holy animal For here's hell is the night to see Tell me if even live by the Lord That my little boy can be Gonna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me Right now I'm where he's at I'm lately my guitar But it's only cause I'm learning From the best father of never Lord I wanna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me Gonna be a holy animal For here's hell is the night to see Tell me if even live by the Lord That my little boy can be I wanna be just like you Cause he wants to be just like me I wanna be just like you Cause he wants to be like me I wanna be just like you Cause he wants to be like me I wanna be a holy example for his innocent eyes to see I wanna be a living Bible Lord that he can read He does wanna be like you She does wanna be like you Will you be that example That holy, authentic spiritual leader in your home We all strive to be that for our kids and our grandkids They are looking to us But they're also looking to us for a fifth mark of biblical masculinity And that is a positive influence Paul deals with that in verses 11 and 12 when he says Where you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children Encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God Who calls you into his kingdom and glory Notice the words Paul uses to describe the way a father deals with his own children Encouraging, comforting and urging you Those are all positive words They all carry a positive connotation with them But we tend to focus as dads on the negative Quit, stop that, don't do that, no that's wrong We tend to focus on the negative expressions of guidance and training And what Paul is saying is they need to hear encouraging building up They need to hear comforting, they need to hear urging yes to be all that we should be Paul says I urged you to live lives worthy of God So yes they need urging but in a positive way Dan Benson who wrote the book The Total Man surveyed Christian homes across the country and his ministry And he said that for every positive statement made in homes he came up with 10 on average 10 negative statements that are made by dads Another leader in family life who speaks on the family across the country He did a survey of hundreds of children in Christian homes and came up with the three things father say most in responding to their kids You know what they are three things that father say most Number one, I'm too tired Number two, we don't have enough money Number three, keep quiet All of them negative Now don't misunderstand me there is a place for a firm no and serious consequences if that no is violated There's a place for that I believe that ask my three girls they'll tell you that But there is also a place in our attitude to our family and our approach to our family for focusing on the positive Every day you are making deposits in the memory banks of your children How will they remember you? Are you building them up? Comforting encouraging urging or are you tearing them down? Dads I want you to imagine this scene with me for just a moment You have gone on into eternity your journey on this life is over and your children are gathered around your casket That's a sobering thought What will your children say about you when they gather at a funeral home someday? What will they say about you? Will they say you know dad really loved us and he let us know He wasn't afraid the callus he showed it to us Or will they say I never once heard him say I love you I never once felt any affection from him He always seemed mad What will they say about you? Will they say you know dad was real? It wasn't perfect but he lived out his faith when he was wrong he admitted it humbly Or will they say you know he never really opened up to us He never really had ever admitted that he was wrong about anything was the biggest hypocrite I knew What will they say about you? Will they say I'm so grateful dad taught me the value of hard work But he also had time for us or will they say I never learned anything from that man About how to live a life and how to work hard What will they say about you? Dad loved God and he lived it out before us Or will they say I don't remember a drop of spiritual influence from my dad? What will they say about you? Will they say he was always cheering us up he was always applauding our effort He was always urging me on to be all I could be or will you they say about you Never felt like I was good enough for him I never felt like I could measure up He was so demanding and critical and hard What will they say about you dad? Take inventory dads maybe some adjustment in attitude or lifestyle is needed this morning If so be man enough to humbly recognize it before God And if needed before your family Ask the forgiveness And covenant before God that from this day on you will be not a Hollywood style man Not a sports bath kind of man You'll be a biblical man The kind of man Paul was the kind of man Jesus was the kind of man Paul tells us we need to be Strong affection, transparent life, responsible diligence, spiritual authenticity, positive influence Let's be those kind of men Would you bow with me in prayer? Father thank you for this description of biblical manhood that we've seen in your word today Thank you for how Paul modeled it to the Thessalonians Thank you for how he urges us as fathers to live that same kind of lifestyle Father I pray for men in this audience today for dads and grand dads I pray Father that we would be the kind of men you want us to be For your glory and for the good of our families And just before we close our heads are still bad There may be someone here this morning that realizes you know I can't be the spiritual example or influence from my family I don't even know Jesus as my savior And I need to get saved I need to get right with God first Is there anyone that would hear just by the uplifted hand? We're not going to call out any names or embarrass you or try to pull you to the front Just would say I know I need to trust Jesus as savior And by the uplifted hand you'd say I want to make that commitment to Christ today to trust him as my savior Anyone while we wait just a moment? Anyone? I want to be the spiritual leader of my family I know I can't do that without knowing Jesus as my savior I want to trust him today anyone? Is there anyone here this morning that would say I have not been the kind of father or man that I should be But I'm making a promise to God right now that from this day forward by his grace with his help I'm going to be a biblical man, father, grandfather By the uplifted hand you would say I'm making that commitment promise to God today Yes, there's one another yes, yes, yes, several thank you others Anyone else? I'm making this promise to God today Anyone else while we wait? Father, thank you for those who have felt moved in their hearts to make a specific commitment to you And I pray that they will follow through on that commitment with your grace and help I know they will be tested this afternoon by the evil one I'll help them to look to you for strength and I pray for all of us men, dads, granddads That we would seek by your grace and your strength to be what you want us to be to lead our families We ask in Jesus' name Amen