Hope For Hurting Fathers

I want to tell you the story of a hurting father this morning, the parable of a hurting father. In fact, if you will open your Bible to Luke chapter 15, I will let Jesus tell us that parable. The parable of the hurting father, Luke chapter 15, open your Bible, please, Luke 15 and verse 11. Luke chapter 15 verse 11, Jesus continued, there was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, father, give me my share of the estate. So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country and he began to be in need. This citizen who sent him, verse 15, to his fields, to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. He came to his senses. He said, how many of my father's hired men have food to spare and here I am starving to death. I will set out and go back to my father and say to him, father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired men. So he got up and went to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son through his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son, but the father said to his servants. Quick, bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fat and calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate for this son of mine was dead and his alive again. He was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate. You say, wait a second, John, that's not the father or the parable of the hurting father. That's the parable of the prodigal son. And it is. And I'm fully aware that that's the lens through which we normally see this passage is through the prodigal son. And I'm also aware that that's really part of what Jesus intended. Although that in itself is not the main intent of this story. If we remember the context of this story back in the early part of chapter 15, Jesus is telling this story to respond to religious leaders in their smug, contented self-righteousness who are upset with Jesus for reaching out to lost sinners. The open public, sinful people of society, the drags of the culture and Jesus is reaching out to them. Demonstrating is love for them, spending time with them and the self-righteous people, the religious people are upset at that. And so they are criticizing Jesus. And Jesus tells a three-part story to describe the father's love for lost people. He tells about a lost sheep and a lost coin and then the lost son. The real emphasis of the story is not on the son but on the father because that's really the emphasis that Jesus is portraying. A father who reaches out and loves his wayward son is representative of the heavenly father who has a heart love for people who stray from him, who walk far from him, who need to come back to him. So the main person in the story is the father, not the son. So what I want us to do this morning is to take a fresh look at the parable of the hurting father and see the parable through his eyes, read the story through his eyes because I'm convinced on this father's day there are lots of hurting fathers here today. Fathers who have watched their children make poor choices. Fathers who have begun to see their children start into a life of alcohol or drugs or at least begin to experiment in that direction. I'm sure there are fathers here today who have begun to watch their children choose the wrong group of friends and pull away from the church and away from the home, maybe start failing in school and rebelling against everything that you've taught them. I'm sure there are hurting fathers like that here this morning. I'm sure there are fathers who have made terrible mistakes and may feel that you have ruined your relationship with your children and your home is shattered. You're hurting this morning or fathers who have watched their adult children make choices that are destroying their lives and you feel helpless to intervene. You're hurting this morning. No doubt in my mind that among this group of fathers here today there are a lot of hurting fathers. This father has something to tell us. He has something to demonstrate for hurting fathers today. What I want to help us see this morning is how hurting fathers can find hope in the midst of relational pain, how you can find the hope to go another day, how you can find the hope to continue to work and to get back with your family, how you can find the hope to cope to face it another day. How can hurting fathers find hope in the midst of such incredible relational pain? This father tells us how. There are three steps this father illustrates in finding hope in the midst of relational pain. The first is this. Recognize the potential for problems. There are lots of things this father illustrates but I think as much as anything else he illustrates the potential for pain for problems among our children because even good parents may have problems with their children. That is so true. Even good parents will have problems with their children or may have problems with their children. I'm convinced that the father of the prodigal was a godly man. If you look at verse 18, these are the words of the prodigal son as he is hit bottom as he has come to his senses in verse 18. He says, I will sit out and go back to my father and say to him, father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. Wonder where he learned that? Wonder where he learned what sin was, what it means to sin against heavenly father and to violate the standards of a godly home and call that sin. Wonder where he learned that? I can't say for sure but the emphasis of this story obviously is on the father and as with most Jewish homes or most of our homes the first exposure to any recognition of sin or of a heavenly father whose standards we may have violated would come from our parents. The mother is not a part of the story although there probably was a mother. Obviously there was at some point. Maybe she is still in the picture, maybe she is not but the emphasis is on the father. This was a godly man who had taught his son what sin means, what it means to violate the standard of the heavenly father. So he knew, he knew in his heart, I have sinned against heaven and I have sinned against you. The fact that this father will welcome back and restore and forgive his son indicates he is a godly man. The fact that Jesus intended him to be a picture of our heavenly father also indicates to me that Jesus intended him to represent godliness, our heavenly father. So those are reasons why I believe we are talking about a godly man here and here is a godly man who has a son turning back on him and walk away from the home and violate everything that godly man has taught his son. You see even good parents may have problems with their children. That is the experience of many fathers. I have watched through the years and I have been puzzled over and over again as I have seen this dynamic happen. Sometimes some of the most godly young people I have ever seen and known have come from wicked homes and it just seems like god has reached down his hand and pulled them out of that and put his favor on them and they prosper and do well spiritually. Conversely I have seen some of the most godly parents struggle with their children. And that can be a real puzzle but it can lead to a lot of hurting fathers. I want to remind you that even good parents may have problems with their children. One of the best books I ever read on parenting was back when it came out in the late 80s by David Jeremiah. It was one of the first books he had written. It was called Exposing the Myths of Parenthood. And I still think it is one of my top two or three parenting books. It is a great book written out of his own personal experience and he tells that experience in the first chapter of the book. David Jeremiah had just gone from Fort Wayne to where he was pastoring a church in there in Fort Wayne, Indiana, a Black Hawk Baptist church and he went to Shadow Hill. It wasn't Shadow Hill at the time, renamed later but went to San Diego to pastor. He was out visiting one day and his secretary called him and said you need to get back to the office as soon as possible. He fled back as quickly as his car would take him wondering what had happened, what was wrong, what he was going to hear and when he got there there were several people gathered in his office and said we need to let you know that your daughter, your oldest daughter and a group of her friends have been found in possession of cocaine. And as the story began to unravel, this has been a long standing practice of his daughter and he was completely unaware of it. He talks about the relational pain and emotional strain they went through and started into a process of recovery and the end of that story is a good one. She's doing well now spiritually. That's been many years ago but that book came out of his own relational pain. There's no question in my mind that David Jeremiah is a godly man. He had great difficulty with one of his own children. There's only been one perfect father in the universe. He created two perfect children, Adam and Eve and placed them in a perfect environment and they rebelled against him. Now I'm not trying to say that rebellion is inevitable. I'm not trying to say to young parents it is geared up for it's going to happen. I'm not saying that. It is not inevitable but it does happen and it does happen sometimes in the best of families with godly parents who have been consistent and faithful in their training of their children and modeled for them a godly lifestyle. It does happen at times. Recognize the potential for problems even good parents may have problems with their children. I know what some of you are thinking. Right now in some of your minds you are thinking about what about Proverbs 226? Proverbs 226 is a verse that seems to promise that good parenting will always result in good results. Good outcomes for our children. Let's take a look at that verse. We're going to put it on the screen for you so we can hold our place here in Luke 15. Proverbs 226 says, train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it. So most people look at that verse and they say, okay here's a promise. Not making us a promise. You do your best to train your children when they get old they won't turn from it. It's an automatic right? Good parents equal good children. Godly parents equal godly children. Faithful parents equal faithful children right? Automatic formula for parenting. I think that's a very superficial way of looking at this verse. Oh by the way we have a little twist on this verse too and I don't even know where this came from. We have a little twist on this verse that says you know through their teen years maybe their early adult years they'll get away from God and they'll get away from you and that will happen but when they're old they'll come back to what they know is right. Maybe six to 65 years old they'll eventually come back. That's not a lot. I hope for us parents and I don't think that's at all what this verse is saying. Let's take a little closer look at it because I think it fits very well the experience of the hurting father in Luke 15 and of hurting fathers maybe here today. First of all this is not a promise it is a proverb. A proverb's and a proverb is a particular style of literature that you have to understand. A proverb is a general wise saying about life. It is an observation about life that is a general principle typically generally is true but not always. It does have exceptions. For instance the book of Proverbs also has proverbs like this that if you live a godly life you will have a long life the wicked person dies young. There are a number of proverbs that are stated in some form like that. Is that always true? No. Is it a general principle? Yes. But are there exceptions? Yes. There are exceptions. There are godly people who tragically die young. There are wicked people who live out full lives long lives. But generally speaking if you choose a godly lifestyle it is going to keep you away from sinful behaviors and sinful habits that may tend to shorten your life. So generally speaking godliness does produce a longer life. Generally speaking you live a wicked life involve yourselves in all kinds of sin you are going to destroy your body and you will live a shorter life. Generally speaking that is true. It is a proverb. It is not a promise. An ironclad promise that is guaranteed by god to come true in every case. A proverb is not designed to do that. There are proverbs that say if you are diligent that will lead to wealth. If you are lazy that will lead to poverty. Read Proverbs 6 about the illustration of the ant. And you sluggard learn from the ant. If you store up work hard you will prosper. Is that always true? No. All of us know people who have been very diligent, hard workers and have faced incredible struggles in their lives in that way. All of us probably also know just look at Hollywood. People who are in here lots of money but live very undisciplined lives. So it is not always true. A proverb is not designed to be an ironclad promise that always comes true. It is a proverb. It is a general saying about life coming from wisdom, a perception, a view of life that is generally true. But not always true. Not always true. And this proverb, Proverbs 226, needs to be understood in that context. It is a proverb. It is not an ironclad promise. But even given that, let's take a little closer look at it. Train up a child and the way he should go when he is old he will not turn from it. The word train up is an interesting word. It comes from a Hebrew word which has to do with the palate or the roof of the mouth. And it refers to a practice that was common in the childbirth of every Hebrew young child. When a baby was born in Hebrew culture, the midwife would take the baby, cradle it in her arms before it was given to the mother, and dip her finger in a paste of figs or dates that had been crushed. Just get a little bit of it on the tip of her finger and rub it against the palate, the upper roof of the mouth of a Hebrew baby. That would create a thirst, a desire, a sucking sensation. And then the baby would be handed to its mother. There was also a Jewish belief that that was a cleansing type of activity for a young baby as well. But that's the concept in the word train. It has not as much to do with what you teach as much as how you create an interest, a thirst, a desire, a direction in the life of a child. So create a thirst or a direction in the life of a child in the way he should go. Most literally the expression could be translated here according to his way that's exactly how the new American standard translates it, for instance. So create an interest, a desire, a thirst, a direction in life according to the way of a child. And the idea seems to be there, obviously that includes God's way for a child. But the idea really seems to be according to a child's unique personality, interests, abilities, they're bent in life. But every child is gifted in the same way. Not every child has the same abilities. And parents really make critical mistakes when little Johnny comes home with a bee on his report card and they say, your sister Suzy always made a, come on, get a fuck, can't you? And if Johnny's not being diligent, he needs a little kick in the right place to help him get busy. But if Johnny is doing his very best and all he can pull down is a bee or a sea, an unwise parent, you're an unwise parent to compare him to your other children. Johnny may be gifted with his hands. Johnny may be gifted in other ways. And it is a wise parent that recognizes the unique personality, interests, ability, giftedness of a child and gives that child a thirst, helps them in that direction without trying to live your life as a parent through them. You understand how God has uniquely gifted them and given them abilities and you direct them in that way, that's the training that's being spoken up here. So in client a child, give them the direction and encouragement along the way that God has built them and made them and when they are old, the Hebrew word always refers to the entrance to adulthood. It's not talking about 60 or 65. It's talking about someone in the range of 17 to 22, that age range. And they enter adulthood then they'll be on the right path. If you have directed them in line with their God-given of gifts and abilities and interests, then they will find where God wants them in life. Now obviously that includes moral training, biblical training, spiritual training obviously, but that's not really the thrust of Proverbs 226. And we do violence to the text when we try to make it say something other than what God intended it to say. So it is not an ironclad promise and it's talking more about giving the child direction in keeping with the way God has made them and then they will pursue the right, fulfilling, purposeful, meaningful, productive path in life. That's what that's talking about. I recognize there's a need for balance here in this whole concept of dealing with Proverbs 226 and what it means for parenting. There is a need for balance. Obviously, good parenting as an overall principle, good parenting produces good results. Whether we're talking about the direction the child should go or a spiritual training, whatever, good parenting produces good results. Give them a direction and a hunger for the things that God has made them for, model for them, faithful, consistent, godly living, and typically a child will follow that. You will have created that interest. But remember there are exceptions. And even the best of parents who've done their best to model, train, help their children, find what God wants for them in life, even the best of parents sometimes will suffer relational pain in their families. Please remember, I'm not saying that rebellion is inevitable, but it does happen. Recognize the potential for problems. Second thing, I think this godly father who had a rebellious son illustrates for us, the second step for hope in the midst of relational pain is to respond properly to the prodigal. This man is a classic example of how to respond to a prodigal and how not to respond to a prodigal. Four things he does that teach us about how to respond to a prodigal to a wayward child if you have a wayward child in your life or family. First thing, don't bail them out of trouble. Isn't it interesting in this story that the father does not follow his son to the far country to see what he's going to do when he starts getting in trouble? He keeps bailing him out of trouble? Isn't it interesting he doesn't do that? He allows him to make his own choices and to suffer the consequences of those choices. I know every parent's heart cringes a little bit when you entertain that thought. Mine does too. And again, there is a balance here. Sometimes help is needed. Sometimes intervention is needed in our children's lives, but don't take the responsibility that your child needs to learn to take. There's a difference between literally helping a child or enabling them to continue a sinful lifestyle. And many parents, thinking they're doing a favor for their children, trying to help them keep bailing them out of trouble time and time again, and they are actually simply enabling them to live a wicked lifestyle. Now in your particular case, you may need to figure out where that line is, where you cross from helping to hurting a child or enabling a child to live a sinful lifestyle. But you've got to figure out where that line is. I heard a story about a man who was sitting in the mall shopping, which for us men means they were sitting on one of the benches in the middle of the mall, waiting for wife and children to finish shopping. And he was sitting there and had three daughters. And occasionally one of his daughters would come and he'd give him some money and a few minutes later, another one of his daughters would come and give him some money. And that kept going on for about an hour. And finally, he got up to get a cold drink and someone observed the writing on the back of his t-shirt said, human ATM. Now that's what a lot of fathers end up being. And certainly there's nothing wrong with that kind of thing as it is. But a lot of fathers end up simply being the way children can continue to finance a sinful lifestyle. Don't enable your children to continue to rebel against God by continually bailing them out of trouble. This young man needed to hit bottom and needed to experience the hog pin. And as difficult as that is for a parent, some people who are resistant to correction and instruction by parents need to learn the hard way what the hog pin is like. Don't get them out of the hog pin. I know that's hard as a parent, but don't get them out of the hog pin or they will just continue to live a wicked lifestyle and know that you're fueling that. You're enabling that. So first thing he does to respond properly to the progels, he doesn't bail him out. Second thing he does, never give up. Never give up. Verse 20, when this young man decides to come home, look at verse 20. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran through his arms around him and kissed him. Now I can't prove this. I know it makes for a good part of the movie, but I don't know that the father was sitting on the rocking chair every evening on the front porch, you know, watching down the road with eagerly expectation. I'm not sure about that, but I do know that at least on this occasion he's looking and he sees his son coming. And when he does seem coming, he's ready for him. There is no question what he will do because I'm convinced this father has been praying for his son. If he's a godly man and he knows what's out there with a young man with a lot of money, I'm convinced he's been praying for his son. He never gave up. Always, always keep loving your children so that they know the door is open and they can come home. Now again, there's a balance you have to find here. You don't want to enable a child to carry a wicked lifestyle back into your home. That's not the case with this boy. He's coming back repentant. His life has changed. But keep your door open. Never give up on that child. I would recommend another good book to you to read. Come back Barbara by Jack Miller, Presbyterian pastor in Pennsylvania who years ago had a child walk far away from God, got involved in the drug culture and college in the whole bit and the whole story of how they related to her and kept the door open without encouraging her lifestyle is a beautiful story, the kind of balance that parents need to find. Come back Barbara is the name of the book and I would encourage any hurting parent to read that book. This father, models for us, don't bail them out of trouble but never give up. Pray for them. Keep the doors open. Keep the light on. Ready for them to come back. And then thirdly, be willing to forgive and restore. Be willing to forgive and restore. That's how to respond properly to the protocol. If you look at it in verse 20, we've already read his father saw him filled with compassion, runs to his son, throws his arms around him, kisses him. He receives him with open arms with love, a visible expression of that love. And then in verse 21, he starts listening to his confession and once he realizes his son is repentant and is truly confessing the father is hurt enough. There's no way to know. Probably the father didn't know what all the son intended to say. It's often been observed that the father cuts in on him before he has a chance to say, make me one of your hired servants. Well, let's face it, the father probably didn't realize he was going to say that but still, the father has heard a genuine repentance. He will not make his son grubble in the dirt. He's ready to forgive and restore. And so he says, bring the ring, bring the sandals, bring the robe, kill a fat and calf. Let's celebrate the feast of restoration and reception is evidence that this man knew how to forgive and restore. I want to say something to every father here this morning, every hurting father who may find yourself in this position. If you have a child that repentance, in repentance comes home, comes back to you, wants to restore the relationship in genuine repentance, please, please do not put them on probation. Please do not maintain relational distance. Please do not have forgive with a sorely resentful silence to make them pay in your presence for what they've done. Please do not do that. You will create an absulum that way. That's exactly what David did and he lived the day to pay for it. David's son, Absulum, had committed a crime, killed a step brother because he had violated Absulum's sister and we would all look at that and say, justice was probably done in that case. With Absulum knew he had violated the law and he ran from home. After a period of time, David brought him back in what appeared to be a symbol of restoration and forgiveness, but the Bible says for two whole years he never spoke to his son. Is that restoration? Is that forgiveness? No. It created such resentment and bitterness and Absulum's heart that Absulum would lead a full scale rebellion against his father that would drive his father from the throne. And as David tried to restore his kingdom, it ends up that Absulum dies in battle. What a heartbreaking story. David probably contributed to that by not fully restoring his son. Please like the father of the prodigal. If, if, and this is a big condition, if there is evidence of genuine repentance, please restore and forgive fully. Don't maintain relational distance the rest of your life. And then in responding properly to the prodigal, do what this man did. Help other family members cope because other family members are affected by what happens with the prodigal, deeply affected. The reaction of the older brother, which we did not read in the last part of the chapter, Jesus intends the reaction of the older brother to be symbolic of the Pharisees. But it's a very typical story of how people react. The child who has stayed home and done what was right and outwardly conformed to the standards of the household and hasn't run off and wasted their lives, that child is often very deeply affected by what happens with the prodigal. There are sometimes resentful or embarrassed over the hurt given to the parents. If the prodigal does come back, they tend to become resentful. That overall, the attention that's given to the prodigal and bitter and cynical over the fact that they didn't do that. But like this son would say, father, and he's very angry when he finds out what's happening. When he hears the party in the house, he has lived it. He's angry. And he demands an audience with his father. And this is father. I've never done what he did. I've always served you faithfully. And I never even had a goat to celebrate with my friends. And now when this, your son comes home, look at what you're doing for him. I mean, there is bitterness and anger there. Sometimes that happens with the so-called good child when the prodigal returns. Bitterness over all that's done to help restore the relationship. All the energy and attention the parent has placed on that one rather than me. How do you as a father mend those family relationships? Well, I think you got to do exactly what this father did in verse 31. Listen to what he said to his son. My son, the father said, you are always with me. And everything I have is yours. Reminding them of the relationship that has always been there and will always continue to be there. And then reminding him of the grace of God, verse 32. But we have to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again. He was lost and he was found put what's happened in a larger perspective of the grace of God. What's happened in this person's life is worth celebrating. Yes, my son, I celebrate you also. I love you. You're always in my heart. You always will be all that I have is yours. Affirm that relationship. Yes, but also remind them of the grace of God. It is right and fitting that we celebrate the prodigal because of the grace of God. So help other family members cope with the tension, the difficulty, maybe even the bitterness or resentment that happens when the prodigal comes home. How did this father find hope? How does he help us find hope in the midst of relational pain? Recognize the potential for problems. Respond proper to the prodigal. But quickly, let me say it's also important that we resolve to deal with guilt. Guilt can be crushing. It is a huge problem in these situations. Dad feels himself a failure. He's to blame or maybe he blames his wife. But there's a lot of guilt that happens in these situations that can be overwhelming and consuming. So how do you deal with the guilt, especially if the prodigal is not returned, especially if there's still the relational pain? How do you deal with the guilt? First of all, honestly deal with mistakes you've made. Whatever mistakes you've made, honestly deal with those and we all make mistakes. Plenty of examples in the Bible. Lot puts business first, moves into a wicked town simply for lucrative business deals and loses his family over it. Lot made a wrong decision. As I've already indicated, David had tremendous family problems because of his own immorality and then his unwillingness to restore fully. Eli, the priest, was so busy in God's work that he neglected his sons, wouldn't even correct them when they were openly sinning among the people of Israel. There are plenty of examples in the Bible of people who failed and had problems. Maybe you failed. You've exasperated and embittered your children by a harsh, overbearing style while they were growing up. Or maybe they're resentful at you because you were neglectful. You never had time for them. You never spent any time with them. You never really affirmed them and they'd never grew up knowing you loved them and you feel intense guilt over this. Muscley deal with the mistakes you've made. Confess those things to God and your children. Do all that you can to correct what's been done wrong. Confess, correct. It will be an opportunity for you to grow. Just a little over a year ago, our family was in the middle of a very intense battle with cancer, with our daughter Ruth. It was about a year and a half ago that they discovered she had a tumor in her spine and it was a very rare form of bone cancer. Only 111 cases found in 26 years of this kind of cancer. It was very rare that weren't sure even what to do so they decided to treat it as aggressively as possible. Many of you prayed with us through that time and we appreciated that. There's something about facing the fact that one of your children might die that really causes you to look at things clearly. So I will never forget late one night I wrote a long email to Ruth and I said Ruth, she's 30 years old at the time. I said Ruth, there's something I need to get off my chest. It was something that happened when she was 17 years old. In the midst of parenting teenagers, there are tensions and difficulties and I remember late one night I said some very harsh things to her about something she'd done, very harsh angry words. I realized quickly it was wrong and I apologized to her and I thought everything was okay but that just kept coming up in my heart. I did not want Ruth to die with there anything between us. So I wrote her a long email and I reminded her of what I'd said that night and I'm sorry I was for those angry words. Never wanted her to think that I felt those things toward her. If she had carried those things with her through the years I wanted to do whatever I could make it right. She wrote me back a long email. She'd forgotten all about that to be honest but she had some things she wanted to clear up to, some things that had happened and she wanted to make sure that she knew she was sorry for what she'd done and said and I have never felt closer to my daughter than I did at that time. Whatever you've done make it right. Honestly confess it. Clear the air with your children. Don't let anything go. I'd let that go for 13 years. She'd forgotten all about it. And although I'd apologize to her somehow I hadn't processed that right and I felt like maybe it had not been cleared up. Please do whatever you need to do to honestly admit your mistakes. None of us are perfect parents. We will all make mistakes and if you think you've done something that you've never cleared up with your child honestly deal with mistakes you've made. Quickly keep a balanced perspective in the midst of that. As we saw earlier even the best of parents are not perfect and if you feel like especially here this morning as a young parent if you feel like okay I've got to do this right I've got to do this perfectly. I can't make any mistakes or my children will be scarred for life. I think every parent feels that way through those growing up years. If I say the wrong thing, if I do the wrong thing, if I act the wrong way, if I don't do this enough or that enough I'm going to permanently scar them for life and they'll hate me the rest of their lives. We all kind of feel that way don't we? That kind of pressure on you to be perfect will produce such strain that you can't possibly succeed. James Dobson in one of his books, Dr. Dobson answers your questions, has these wise words for parents? There's hardly a parent alive who does not have some regrets and painful memories of failures as a mother or a father. Children are infinitely complex and we cannot be perfect parents anymore than we can be perfect human beings. We don't always handle our children as unemotionally as we wish we had and it's very common to look back a year or two later and see how wrong we were in the way we approached a problem. All of us experience these failures, Dr. Dobson writes, no one does the job perfectly. So, as you analyze what mistakes did I make and how can I make those right and apologize for them, please keep a balanced perspective. Please recognize that we all make mistakes, they don't necessarily scar children for life. You don't deserve all the blame for mistakes your children make, you don't deserve all the credit for the successes they have either. Please keep a balanced perspective, dads. And then as you resolve to deal with guilt, please draw on the support of others and I include this because we men need this. Our wives usually find someone they can talk to and bear their soul to and men often suffer in silence and just try to keep going from day to day with guilt, with feelings they can't really express to anyone or have it said to anyone. Solomon wrote some wise words in ecclesiasties about companionship and friendship and he talked about when someone falls down and has no one to help him up, that's a pretty bad place to be. But if someone falls and has someone to help him up, what a blessing that is. And he says a strand of three cords is not easily broken. Men find someone you can talk to, certainly your wife, another male friend, someone you can talk to, someone you can bear your heart to and talk about your failings or struggles you're having with your family or guilt you may have about the past, find someone you can talk to. Find out if you're heart to be a real man, not a paper of shame fake man, be one who's willing to share his heart with someone else. And most of all I would say this to us dads, God can heal your broken heart. However you're hurting today, whatever you may be hurting about, God can heal that. You may be here today and you don't know Jesus as your Savior. You don't have a heavenly Father, you never established a relationship with Him. I urge you to recognize that you need a relationship with your Heavenly Father, one that you can come to with all of your cares because he cares for you. You can unburden your heart to and if you've never established that relationship with God through his Son Jesus Christ, you need to receive Christ as your Savior. If you have done that, you've trusted Christ as your Savior, you're one of God's children. Please come to Him with your relational pain. He as your Heavenly Father will heal your heart so that you can then reach out to your family in love, grace and forgiveness. Would you pray with me please? Father? We're so thankful that we can call you by that name. Lord we are thankful for our Father's. We are thankful for the privilege you've given us to be Father's. Lord none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes but help us Lord to deal with those in the proper way. May we learn from the Father of the Prodigal Son, what it means to recognize there may be problems even with good families. Help us to understand how to relate properly to a Prodigal, to a problem child, to a wayward child, and help us to learn how to resolve our own guilt over mistakes we've made. So thank you that you've forgiven us when we come back to you in confession and repentance. I pray that we'll learn to do the same with ourselves and with others in our family. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.