Jesus' Teaching About Marriage & Divorce

In Matthew chapter 19 tonight and we are nearing the end of our Lord's life as we've talked about He is on his way to Jerusalem now He is headed toward the last week of his life very close to that a couple of weeks maybe away something like that maybe not even that That far away And as he is nearing Jerusalem the Pharisees Try to snag him again and in snare him like they have on many occasions Trying to ensnare him in an issue where they can pose a question to him and and make him look bad and or maybe even get him in trouble politically Or with the people discredit him any number of ways they've tried to trip him up This time they feel like they have the perfect topic and that is divorce because Jesus Is is actually being drawn into a huge cultural debate on this occasion in in Matthew chapter 19 Uh, and in response to the question that Jesus is asked in verse three where the Pharisees say is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife or any never reason in In answer to that Jesus basically gives a married seminar And he starts way back before answering the question and goes all the way back to Genesis To lay a foundation for dealing with the question Now the question basically as we saw last week. I'm just going a little bit of review right now The question was was about a very hotly debated topic In Jesus today in Jesus day And the controversy in Jesus day surrounded around how you interpreted deuteronomy 24 Now we're going to look at deuteronomy 24 a little bit later. I'm not going to do it right now But basically deuteronomy 24 said if if a man marry someone and and she becomes displeasing to him because he finds Some indecency in her and then if he writes her bill of divorcement and then if several other things happened Then there's a command given later in the passage But the the controversy in Jesus day was over what does that word indecency mean There were two schools of thought among the rabbis the religious teachers in Israel one school of thought was very liberal Very permissive said that word indecent or uncleanness as some translations render it Uh is very broad can mean practically anything if she's displeasing to you for any reason I mean uncleanness could mean the house is not clean enough She burned your dinner you know anything for any reason you could divorce your wife and that was the prevailing view In Israel in Jesus day That was the majority view was the very liberal wide meaning of that to to basically say you could divorce your wife over Anything and it was perfectly fine Moses gives you permission to do that The other school of thought was a more narrow view of that passage which said basically the word uncleanness means any sexual immorality And if that is the case then divorce is is allowed Now that's that's the position Jesus has put in They would expect him to take uh The more narrow view But that would be the unpopular view in Jesus day And so they can discredit him with the people if he does that Plus as you recall he's in hered's territory And it was this very kind of issue That hered through John the Baptist in the prison over and ended up be heading him And so there's a little bit of another angle here the Pharisees are working like you know if we can get him arrested Maybe we can get him be headed too and our problem is solved. We've gotten rid of Jesus So they feel like they have the perfect trap now they've tried many other times and they have failed They will yet try again in the temple on Tuesday of the week Jesus dies They will fire questions at him again to try to trap him But this one they feel like they've got the perfect trap In Jesus answer He actually does not start by answering their question Their question is is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason in other words Are you on the side of the prevailing view rabbi hillale or are you on the more narrow view rabbi Shema which view do you take Do you take the view that is popular with most people that Deuteronomy 24 is teaching you can divorce your wife for any and every reason No matter what it is it's perfectly fine Moses would would smile at that and not say you're perfectly okay Well Jesus answer It doesn't even deal with divorce He will later and that's why it's important to put all this together But Jesus begins by going back to Genesis 2 And forming a foundation for why divorce Would even be permitted in the first place The foundation is and the most important thing to Establish whenever you begin to talk about divorce and remarriage even in our day The most important thing to establish is what was God's original intent That's where you have to start and that's what Jesus does he goes back to Genesis 2 and basically he gives the divine intent For marriage that's the the first teaching that Jesus does In verses 4 through 6 the divine intent of marriage Jesus basically says five things going back to Genesis 2 about marriage. This is his marriage seminar Okay, the first thing is Marriage is a divinely Appointed union a divinely appointed union look at verse 4 haven't you read he replied that at the beginning The creator made them male and female Okay, at the beginning the creator When he created mankind created male and female So he's going all the way back to Genesis 2 where God created mankind and he created the male and female So he's going back to the very establishment of marriage where God created Adam Saw that it was not good for him to be alone created Eve and established the first marriage So Jesus is going back to the very beginning when marriage was established in the Garden of Eden where God In creation Established marriage and gave it its purpose Now in order to understand fully what Jesus is talking about by going all the way back to the beginning You have to understand that that the purpose for marriage is very clearly identified In Genesis chapter 2 Do you remember Genesis 2 18 Jesus or God said it is not Good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him The old word that we often use help meet We've kind of combined that into one word and a wife is help meet Well actually there's were two English words a helper Meet for him in the old King James language basically more modern terminology a helper suitable for him and then the next few verses talk about the fact that Adam named all of the animals And he sees all these animals coming and they've got Mates they've got a corresponding partner, but among the animals there is there is none found suitable For Adam there's not another human being on the earth and that's why the Bible says God created Eve brought her to the man and Introduced her and you remember you know Adam named her woman And I've always thought that when he took his first look at her he said whoa Man and that's how she got her name you know woman I that's King John translation. I'm not sure that's Affirmative but But anyway, they God brings them together and the reason is it is not good for the man to be alone So there is the purpose established for marriage in the very beginning and that is Companion ship They complete one another Among the animal kingdom there is not one like Adam So in marriage there is one who complements him who completes him who is a perfect companion for him And that was why marriage was divinely appointed they complete one another they complement one another And it's very clear in Genesis 2 that their union physically sexually is the means of continuing the human race And so from the very beginning Sex is placed within the context of a monogamous marriage a faithful union of husband and wife And so that's the very beginning that's the divine appointment of marriage God established it God laid down its character God gave it its purpose God set the boundaries of the physical expression of love And sex in in marriage No person has a right to change that No court has a right to change that No president congressman Whoever has a right to change that God established it and gave it its purpose in the beginning and that's what Jesus goes back to that is Foundational marriage is a divinely appointed union It is not defined or prescribed by any human court And that's why for Bible believing Christians No human court dictates what we believe about marriage the Bible does And the Bible makes it very clear In the beginning that it was a divinely appointed union for husband and wife to complete one another Be companions for one another and then continue the human race a divinely appointed union Secondly, Jesus says it is a heterosexual union Again, look at verse four haven't you ready replied that at the beginning the creator made them what Male and female and in verse four And said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife male female man wife It is clear that in God's original intent for marriage In Genesis two that's where Jesus is quoting from in the very beginning marriage is a heterosexual union God Created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve Right God created God created Eve and Adam not even Adeline Right Okay, you got a man and a woman created God brings them together That's how God started it That's God's original intent and purpose and established pattern for marriage If Paul had never said a word about that in Romans one Genesis two would have still told us what God wanted If Paul had never said a word about it in 1st, 3rd, and 6 if Paul had never said a word about it in 1st, Timothy chapter 2 It still would have been God's appointed design for a man and a woman to be married not two men and not two women It is a heterosexual union clearly from the very beginning um The Bible clearly teaches both in the Old Testament and in the New Testament that homosexuality is a Proversion of God's intended sexual expression I do not care what is politically correct I really do not I care only about what is Biblically correct And our culture is so quickly shifting toward not just A toleration of homosexuality but the homosexual agenda Of considering it a human a basic human right Our culture is so quickly shifting that way that we must be Very clear on what the Bible teaches about this and be willing in the day in which we live to stand on that Regardless of what that costs us Now I hope you hear what I'm saying regardless of what that costs us Either as individuals or as a church Because very quickly our culture and the political spectrum is shifting that direction And And we've got to be willing to say no I'm not going there I'm not budging one inch I'm sticking with what the Bible says and if that becomes against the law of the land So be it The Bible is very clear on that issue Now having said that Homosexuality as a perversion of God's intended design for sex is no different than any other sin Maybe in its social consequences yes But as far as God is concerned any perversion of his intended will and purpose is sin Any sin can be forgiven any center should be loved and brought to Christ And so by taking a strong stand against homosexuality And insisting that marriage is a heterosexual union that in no way means that we hate homosexuals or we're homophobic It's not at all Everyone and we want everyone to come to Christ That does not mean we will tolerate sinful lifestyles however That the Bible clearly talks about So going back to the very beginning it's very clear from what Jesus says and what God established in Genesis 2 That Marriage is a heterosexual union Third key principle in Jesus marriage seminar In verse 5 is that marriage is a primary union It is a primary union Verse 5 says and said Jesus is still quoting from Genesis 2 The creator said For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife Okay, take that part of Genesis 2 24 the verse that Jesus is quoting from and you find that God's original intent is that marriage be Considered the primary union. It is the primary human relationship Not the parent child relationship So what he says is that a man leaves his father and mother That doesn't mean you completely forsake them never talk to them again You know anything like that But the relationship which has up till that point been the primary relationship in your life your relationship with your parents Now you have a new primary relationship and that is your relationship with your husband or your wife and both the newlyweds and Parents need to understand that drastic shift in relationship Because there is a tremendous change there Where the primary focus now becomes on husband and wife And and even parents need to understand that That that the primary relationship is to let their children go And live their marriage And not know there's no longer the the capability to have the same kind of Parent child relationship in the sense of discipline and training and all those kinds of things certainly still Throughout the rest of your adult life you'll be able to model and and so forth for your children But there's not the same relationship after your children get married Now in many ways you can grow deeper and closer But the parent child relationship the primacy of that gives way to the primacy of the marriage relationship And it is the husband wife relationship which is primary that is the primary human relationship So parents don't interfere You know, I tell couples in premarital counseling um Accept parental advice resist parental interference You can usually tell the difference between the two Advice is usually not always but usually asked for Um Sometimes advice is given because it's needed whether or not it's asked for but you can usually tell the difference even in tone But parents Be careful about interfering in your children's marriage Okay The primary relationship they have now is what they're made They can have a very deep and close relationship with you, but that's not the primary one anymore It's a primary union Forth thing Jesus teaches about marriage in verse five is that marriage is a physical union verse five He says for this reason a man will leave his father and mother be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh Now the one flesh that that phrase primarily refers To the sexual union of husband and wife Not exclusively there are other things included in becoming one flesh, but primarily It refers to the sexual union. It's important in marriage to be of one mind to be of one heart to be of one spirit But if Jesus were talking to God we're talking about the primary relationship is one spirit Well then death would not nullify marriage Death would not end the marriage relationship because your spirit lives on see This is primarily a physical union the basic union in marriage is the sexual union uh When husband and wife come together sexually that that brings two people together on the most intimate level and in God's eyes they become one Now that's why Paul objects To sexual relations with a harlot Because he says it makes you one flesh When you engage in sexual relationships with a harlot it makes you one flesh with that person In in 1 Corinthians chapter 6 and verse 16 he says it very plainly 1 Corinthians 6 16 he says Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body and then notice he quotes Genesis 224 For it is said the two will become one flesh The one flesh relationship Paul quite clearly indicates comes about as a result of the physical sexual union of two people Even a man with a prostitute He they become one flesh And that is the reason why immorality is so damaging God created sex to be enjoyed only within the marriage relationship There is no such thing as casual sex Not in God's eyes Because any sexual relationship Causes you to become one flesh with that person in God's eyes that's marriage That's designed only for marriage You see we are not animals We are not created like animals indiscriminate many animals in partners. We're not created that way God created people designed us Only for sexual union within the husband and wife relationship To to cause two people to become one flesh that unites them physically emotionally spiritually It's all brought about by that sexual union We're not we're not animals We are human beings for whom sex Establishes a one flesh union designed only for marriage and that's why the Bible teaches It is so important to save yourself for marriage And after you are married to keep sexuality within marriage That's why that's so important Because that's the way God designed it and any violation of that is going to bring untold physical emotional spiritual harm because you've broken the most basic rule of human relationships That's why that is so critical You say John why are you why are you so passionate about that tonight because that is so counter cultural today I mean we are it is being drilled into us That sex is fine as long as you love somebody you're care about somebody that's what teenagers here all the time But all kinds of excuses are made for sexual immorality God designed those boundaries For our blessing and our protection Violate those boundaries and you have all kinds of harm That come into your life so Marriage is a physical union and there are reasons for that The fifth thing Jesus says about marriage is that marriage is a permanent union Verse six It's a permanent union it's divinely appointed heterosexual the primary human relationship physical union and it is a permanent union Verse six says so they are no longer to but one flesh therefore what God has joined together let no one separate In other words the divine intent is to spend your life together In God's view of marriage there is no such thing as a trial marriage There's no such thing as well. Let's live together for a while and then we'll see if it works That's not God's view of marriage God's view of marriage is that you spend your life together That you enter marriage with a commitment to that being for a lifetime Which means you will be committed to working out problems and rather than just bailing out when they come along Marriage again. I say is not a casual union regardless of all the movies that Promote that today and they're coming out by the handful um Regardless of what Hollywood says and just in case you wonder I haven't seen enough But I that's the very reason I subscribe to USA today so I can read music and movie reviews and culture stuff and keep up with what's going on but movies like love and other drugs and Friends with benefits no strings attached and the list could probably go on and on Are continually pumping at our young people You can have casual sex with anyone you want to and just go right on about your life You cannot do that without damage So your life you cannot do that Marriage is not a casual union. It is not a dating relationship It is not a friendship that if it doesn't work out way Can just say oh that didn't work out. Let's go on let's move on That is not what marriage is marriage is a binding union for a lifetime Say wow John you're awful narrow aren't you? Well, that's where Jesus begins Okay, and that's where you have to begin with the original intent gods intent Now Jesus is going to deal with some of the other issues that arise But you have to begin if you're going to talk about marriage and divorce You've got to begin where Jesus began and that is with the proper understanding of God's original intent in marriage And it is very clear It's a divinely appointed union. It's not it's not defined by human courts It's not defined by human legislators It's defined by God and God very clearly defined it It is a heterosexual union It is a primary union. It is a physical union. It is a permanent union That's Jesus married seminar. That's what he teaches about marriage Now look at what happens next because Jesus is now going to get into The topic of the human destruction of marriage In verse 7 notice What happens with the Pharisees? Pharisees are the ones that have asked him the original question back in verse 3 Verse 7 why then they ask did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away Now do you understand what's happening here? They have not heard a thing Jesus said deeply they haven't really heard what Jesus said All they all they heard was that last statement What God has joined together let no one separate that's all they've heard And so what they're thinking they've missed the whole point about God's intent They catch only that last statement And they think ah that's the sort of strong pronouncement that we were hoping to get out of him We were hoping to get the very narrow view of no divorce or Or only in very rare circumstances We were hoping he would go counter the majority opinion that's exactly what we wanted to hear and we got that out of him The trap is sprung in their mind and they've got him They've got him right where they want him So they close in for the kill Why then if you say this about marriage why then did Moses command And That a man give his wife a certificate of divorce. Don't you realize Jesus what you've taught is against Moses Oh boy, they've really got him now they think To go against Moses wow that's the death penalty in Israel What they seem to have failed to realize Is they were completely misinterpreting due to runnymy 24 and Jesus is going to set him straight On it He's going to talk about the human destruction of marriage Three things he will say the first one divorce is permitted Not commanded Divorce is permitted Not commanded you see their their question in verse 7 was why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce Notice what Jesus replies in verse 8 Moses permitted you to divorce your wife because your hearts were hard, but it was not this way from the beginning I want to at this point go back to do to runnymy 24 Do to runnymy 24 reads this way if you can find it quickly do so if not listen carefully um Here's what do to runnymy 24 or the first four verses is if a man marries a woman who becomes Displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her and he writes her a certificate of divorce Okay, every statement from here on through verse 3 could has that same if before it. It's all Under that first word if if a man marries a woman who becomes displeased to him because he finds something indecent matter and You could substitute word if if he writes her a certificate of divorce gives it to her Sends her from his house and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man And her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate certificate of divorce gives it to her and sends her from his house or if he dies Then her first husband verse 4 who divorced her is not Allowed to marry her again after she's been defiled that would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance You read that passage and you realize there is no command until verse 4 Everything else is a suppositional Case leading up to the command if this happens and if this happens and if this happens and if this happens and if this happens And then if this happens then this is what you're supposed to do and the command comes in verse 4 Jesus quite clearly corrects them You say Moses commanded you to divorce your wife no no no no no that's not what Moses said in Deuteronomy 24 Moses permitted divorce but did not command it a Husband is never commanded to divorce his wife in Deuteronomy 24 It is just a recognition that divorce will occur. It's going to happen If this happens then that happens that happens that happens It's a recognition that it will happen so divorce in Moses passage and what Jesus is saying Was permitted Jesus uses that word in verse 8 Moses permitted you So divorce is permitted it is allowed it is tolerated. It is never commanded Moses instruction Actually was designed to protect the sacredness of marriage by stopping the attitude that you could have serial marriages It was really Moses statement was basically designed to say you know if One guy divorces her and then the second guy done the like her and he divorces her and the first guy says I think I'll get her back What is happening there is kind of a very low view of marriage Kind of a letting go of the sacredness of the marriage union and Moses was actually saying okay It's got to stop somewhere. So no the first husband cannot take her back That's gone far enough There's been enough to happen where that's detestable in the eyes of the Lord and what he's saying is not is not the problems that may have caused difficulties in marriages What he's saying is the whole view of marriage that it is just a temporary thing And can be repeated any number of times is really Ten amount to a low view of marriage. That's what Jesus is saying Okay, so divorce is permitted, but it is never commanded second thing he says Also in verse 8 is that divorce was a concession to man's sinfulness It's very important that we understand this divorce was a concession to man's sinfulness verse 8 Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard But it was not this way from the beginning God's original plan for marriage left no room for divorce Remember one woman one man together For life Was the genesis to intent But that was before sin entered the world God knew that sin would come into the world he knew that sin would end up messing up all kinds of things including God's ideal for marriage God knew that man's heart in many cases would be hardened to the mind and the will of God When it came to marriage And and we would make a mess of it we would make a mess of marriage and would resort to divorce God knew that would happen So God makes provision permits Tolerates if you will he makes provision for people In cases where regrettably human sinfulness has failed to maintain the ideal that was established in the Garden of Eden That's why Moses permitted divorce Because of sin It was not God's original intent Jesus is but it was permitted because of sin think of it this way This is exactly like any other sin God's ideal for us is perfect holiness right This clear God's ideal is that we not sin But God knows that we will not always keep that ideal He knows that we will sin and therefore he makes provision for us when we do sin That's exactly what do do to randomly 24 was about and that's what Jesus is talking about when he says Moses permitted he tolerated he allowed divorce is never God's ideal But sometimes it is the best option to protect someone where the ideal has been shattered And has been so messed up that it can't be repaired So sometimes yes divorce is allowed it is permitted it is tolerated by God. He makes provision for that Because he knows that in our sinfulness our hardened hearts We're going to make a mess of the ideal of marriage just like we make a mess of every other ideal that God created us to be And so God is not saying there should never be any divorce He's saying the ideal is that there should never be But none of us live up to the ideal In every area of our lives and so some people are going to mess up the ideal of marriage when that happens There is a provision for people it is permitted it is allowed but remember that was never God's original intent So divorce is permitted Not commanded it is a concession to man's simpleness and then the third thing Jesus says here and he's teaching about divorce Is that divorce is permitted under certain circumstances verse 9 I Tell you that anyone who divorces his wife Except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery now what Jesus is doing here is giving an example Of what he's just talked about in verse 8 an example of a case where the original intent for marriage has been shattered And the divine ideal Has been shattered so now divorces permitted or tolerated because of the shattering of the ideal Now basically Verse 9 is a very strong statement about marriage. He's basically saying Don't have a loose attitude toward marriage The the basic statement is I tell you if anyone divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery That's the basic statement there is an exception in there But the basic statement is hold marriage high the attitude that you can divorce for any and every reason Which was the popular view in Jesus day is wrong. It's the same thing as adultery. That's what Jesus is saying But he says there is an exception And that exception is if the ideal of the marriage union has been shattered By adultery in the word adultery means any type of sexual sin any type of sexual immorality The reason for that is remember even in this case the divorce is not commanded It is permitted it is allowed by God and the reason is the one flesh relationship has been violated It's been shattered the ideal is now gone There is now especially with adultery a new one flesh relationship that's been established with someone else And so God's ideal has been shattered and God allows or permits divorce in this case Now here's here's the point. I think it's important to see I do not believe that it was Jesus intent To teach everything about divorce and remarriage with this one statement Jesus was giving an example of what he has said in verse 8 divorce is Polarated it is permitted it is allowed when the divine ideal is shattered Because of men's sinfulness and Jesus gives one example adultery I know that Jesus did not mean that that's the only reason for For divorce and remarriage because Paul clearly adds another exception in 1st prince in 17 And that is if an unsaved Mate of a believing partner desert you Then you are freed from the marriage bond Divorce is permitted in that case as well. So I am not personally convinced That Jesus or even those two statements Are intending to give us these are the two exclusive things I think what God is basically saying the divine ideal is clear always maintain that Always promote that always believe that always strive for that There are times when the divine ideal is shattered in those cases divorce is permitted Now if I can very quickly summarize verses 10 through 12 I'm not sure I can quickly do that but let me try The divine provision of marriage Jesus talks about In verse 10 the disciples said to him if this is the situation between a husband and wife It is better not to marry Now what they're saying is basically Jesus you took the very narrow view of divorce and remarriage You're saying you can't divorce for any reason Then if that's the case that's such a high ideal it'd be better to stay single right And Jesus is going to say no no no no no no wait a second Verse 11 Jesus replied not everyone can accept this word Of the big debate here is what the term this word refers to I believe it refers back to what The disciples have just said it is better not to marry Better to stay single right? If if if marriage is such a high ideal wouldn't it be better to stay single and Jesus is saying not everybody can accept that statement Not everybody can do that but Only those to whom it has been given what he's talking about is the same thing Paul talks about in 1st Corinthians 7 only those to whom the gift of Celebusy has been given only those who have the special ability given by God To remain single to not be married And to resist the temptation to sexual sin control sexual passion God given sexual passion so that you do not need marriage Those are the only people that Jesus says Can tolerate that word the disciples of just sit can stay single And Jesus even gives us some examples of the kind of people he's talking about verse 12 or 13 No 12 For there are unix who were born that way There are unix who have been made unix by others in other words some people will never marry because of physical deformity or Something that has been done to them by others or he says there are those who choose to live like unix for the sake of the kingdom of heaven That was Paul's case Paul makes it very clear in 1st Corinthians 7 he had the gift of Celebusy he was able to remain celibate To remain above sexual temptation he did not need marriage Jesus is saying it is only those people who can tolerate that word disciples that you could should stay single The one who can accept this should accept it Now here's my conclusion That is the reason why I Will marry people who've been divorced I've been criticized for that position. It's not the most popular position among pastors But that's the reason why I will marry people who've been divorced I will always seek to address issues that may have caused the divorce But to require people to stay single after they've been divorced I think violates just what Jesus taught There are only certain people who can take what the disciples said it's better to stay single and Jesus puts himself Exactly where Paul was only those who are gifted to stay above sexual temptation And do not need marriage Only those people should stay single That's I believe what Jesus was saying here And so for that reason I think it's inadvisable to tell people if you've been divorced you automatically have the gift of celibacy You're supposed to stay single the rest of your life I don't think that's appropriate In most cases It is probably better for that person to remarry Now again having said that I will always seek to address with people any Issues that have led up to the divorce that need to be corrected and dealt with before a person enters into another union With someone else Because if those things are not corrected you just pile problems on top of problems and you end up having more divorces But you see Jesus Gives us a whole package of teaching here first of all the sacredness of marriage But then understanding why people will be divorced why it is permitted why it is allowed and why when sin breaks up the ideal It is in most cases not advisable for people to try to stay single So the best of my ability to understand that passage that's what Jesus is saying I did do a lot of talking tonight didn't I and we're five minutes over I apologize